"Mascot karma's a real bitch," a spokesman for the American Buddhist Club told eTrueSports following the Redskins' 24-17 loss to the Giants eliminating them from the playoffs.
"Totally counter-intuitive," a book publishing executive told eTrueSports about Derek Jeter's just announced imprint at Simon & Schuster. "He hasn't had an opinion about anything for 20 years."
The Knicks have reportedly destroyed 20,000 posters which featured J.R. Smith, Kenyon Martin and Carmelo Anthony beneath the headline: A JERK, A THUG, AND A PUNK WILL LEAD THEM. "Jimmy Dolan thought it was cool,"
a Knicks' marketing executive told eTrueSports. "He wrote it."
Satire Free Zone: "Vladimir Putin one-ups Chuck Norris with ninth-degree black belt." Killer last graph: "So rest easy, Chuck Norris. Not that he needs to. Chuck Norris doesn’t sleep. He waits." (Chris Chase, For The Win, USA Today)
After Kentucky's John Calipari, the only college coach at two schools (U Mass and Memphis) to forfeit all his NCAA victories for serious rules violations, called playing Tom Izzo's Michigan State team "unfair" the Italian Anti-Defamation League has given the okay for anyone "to slur Calipari whenever they want."
In a move some say is a first step toward a political career, NBA commissioner David Stern has changed his name to Dear Leader.
Satire Free Zone: Steve Patterson, the new athletic director at the University of Texas, will receive a $100,000 bonus every year the Longhorns aren't busted for NCAA infractions.
"I do too know what my name means," said Dolphins' offensive lineman Richie Incognito in defending himself against recent accusations of stupidity.
Blue Jays owner Alex Anthopoulos adds voice to criticism of Mayor Rob Ford: "We'll NEVER change our name to the Toronto Crack Pipes."
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