Chez Manny: Ramirez Opens Hair Salon Chain * "I've Been Blessed"

Chez Manny: Ramirez Opens Hair Salon Chain

Jul 24, 2009

“I’ve Been Blessed And I Want To Share”

Los Angeles – Hoping to capitalize on the massive publicity following his dramatic return from a 50-game drug suspension, the Dodgers' Manny Ramirez announced he is opening a chain of hair salons called Chez Manny.

“I’ve been blessed with good hair,” said Ramirez, “but I’ve also learned how to take care of it. With Chez Manny I want to share my dreadlock secrets with the world so everyone will look as sexy as me.”

"Being Manny" has never been easier.

Chez Manny’s flagship salon will be located in LA’s iconic Venice Beach and, not surprisingly, will feature chemical treatment combined with teasing, twisting and banding the hair with pipe cleaners, a process known as ‘dread perming.’

“You can also use the pipe cleaners to clean your bong,” explained Ramirez.

An initial dread perming at Chez Manny will cost $500 and will include a brief personal visit with the owner. “I love to talk to my fans, especially if they’re paying,” said Ramirez.

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Reader Responses

Jul 25, 2009 9:07 AM

Hair salons? It seems that the 'women's' drugs taken by Manny have gone to his head!

Play Ball with Stop-Motion

Elvis Sings The Bunker Blues

After a rousing speech by Roger Clemens proclaiming his innocence to felony charges for lying to Congress, supporters in Katy, TX reported a flock of flying pigs rose from a nearby tree, circled the crowd and flew off into the sunset.

"However, this is a wakeup call," said Clemens after his perjury indictment. "I'm going to look closely at my lying."

Politico is reporting that former GOP House Majority Leader and fellow Texan Tom DeLay will advise Clemens, pro-bono, on how to employ smirking sanctimony to deny wrongdoing at his upcoming trial.

"We have enough potty-mouthed motherf..kers in the NFL," said NBC analyst Tony Dungy in blasting Jets' coach Rex Ryan for hiring former Jet Blue flight attendant Steven Slater as an Assistant Food Services Coach.

Responding to a tidal flow of fan protests over the "boring and stupid" New Meadowlands Stadium name, New Jersey officials announced the facility will be called "East Rutherford Just Off The Jersey Turnpike Field."

"It has nothing to do with Brad personally," commented Brett Favre about reports of a rift with Minnesota Viking's coach Brad Childress. "I just don't trust anyone who's bald and wears glasses."

World Extreme Cagefighting has applied to the International Olympic Committee to add cagefighting as an official event for the 2012 games in London.

"If he'd been my mother-in-law, none of this would have happened," said Francisco Rodriguez about the incident which resulted in his arrest for assaulting his father-in-law at Citi Field ... and a season-ending injury.

"My hand hurts," said Dustin Johnson after failing to write "I will not ground my club in bunkers anymore" 1,000 times on Whistling Straits' main blackboard. "He's 11 sentences short," said a PGA spokesman in announcing Johnson's immediate suspension. "Rules are rules."

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<< Back Chez Manny: Ramirez Opens Hair Salon Chain Jul 24, 2009 “I’ve Been Blessed And I Want To Share” Los Angeles – Hoping to capitalize on the massive publicity following his dramatic return from a 50-game drug suspension, the Dodgers' Manny Ramirez announced he is opening a chain of hair salons called Chez Manny. “I’ve been blessed with good hair,” said Ramirez, “but I’ve also learned how to take care of it. With Chez Manny I want to share my dreadlock secrets with the world so everyone will look as sexy as me.” "Being Manny" has never been easier. Chez Manny’s flagship salon will be located in LA’s iconic Venice Beach and, not surprisingly, will feature chemical treatment combined with teasing, twisting and banding the hair with pipe cleaners, a process known as ‘dread perming.’ “You can also use the pipe cleaners to clean your bong,” explained Ramirez. An initial dread perming at Chez Manny will cost $500 and will include a brief personal visit with the owner. “I love to talk to my fans, especially if they’re paying,” said Ramirez. << Back Respond to this article \| Email this article to a friend Reader Responses Jul 25, 2009 9:07 AM Yo Hair salons? It seems that the 'women's' drugs taken by Manny have gone to his head! Play Ball with Stop-Motion Elvis Sings The Bunker Blues After a rousing speech by Roger Clemens proclaiming his innocence to felony charges for lying to Congress, supporters in Katy, TX reported a flock of flying pigs rose from a nearby tree, circled the crowd and flew off into the sunset. "However, this is a wakeup call," said Clemens after his perjury indictment. "I'm going to look closely at my lying." Politico is reporting that former GOP House Majority Leader and fellow Texan Tom DeLay will advise Clemens, pro-bono, on how to employ smirking sanctimony to deny wrongdoing at his upcoming trial. "We have enough potty-mouthed motherf..kers in the NFL," said NBC analyst Tony Dungy in blasting Jets' coach Rex Ryan for hiring former Jet Blue flight attendant Steven Slater as an Assistant Food Services Coach. Responding to a tidal flow of fan protests over the "boring and stupid" New Meadowlands Stadium name, New Jersey officials announced the facility will be called "East Rutherford Just Off The Jersey Turnpike Field." "It has nothing to do with Brad personally," commented Brett Favre about reports of a rift with Minnesota Viking's coach Brad Childress. "I just don't trust anyone who's bald and wears glasses." World Extreme Cagefighting has applied to the International Olympic Committee to add cagefighting as an official event for the 2012 games in London. "If he'd been my mother-in-law, none of this would have happened," said Francisco Rodriguez about the incident which resulted in his arrest for assaulting his father-in-law at Citi Field ... and a season-ending injury. "My hand hurts," said Dustin Johnson after failing to write "I will not ground my club in bunkers anymore" 1,000 times on Whistling Straits' main blackboard. "He's 11 sentences short," said a PGA spokesman in announcing Johnson's immediate suspension. "Rules are rules." Heard any good rumors? Email the publisher! eTrueSports Columnist Frank Coffey Top Eleven NHL Marketing Suggestions For The PGA eTrueSports Columnist Thomas Dolt Kobe Bryant's iPod Playlist eTrueSports Columnist Downs MacRury The Boras Files eTrueSports Columnist Ray Dougela Golf The Way It Oughta Be eTrueSports Columnist Burke Terry Baseball’s All-Time Business Name Team eTrueSports Columnist Chris Simmons The Chris Simmons "Inner-View": Jose Canseco eTrueSports Columnist Bookie Mom The N.B.A. – A League of Corruption Just a Phone Call Away Most Popular Stories A-Rod Says "Sorry" With Full-Body, Pinstripe Tattoo Mets Owner to Marry - Knicks Owner! Travis Henry Rushes To Spitzer's Side Mariah Carey Turns Down Offer From Kansas City Royals Carmelo: Google's SportsApologies Widget Works Great! Read All the News!		McCourt divorce prompts Torre to quit Wizard of Oz remake "Not to worry, Strasberg check already cashed," says agent Fake ad attempts to embarrass Roger Clemens, Mr. Bush Packer backer? New movie hints at Favre return to Green Bay Cubs new logo may have played part in Piniella's retirement
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