eTrueSports Logo Wednesday, July 29th, 2015
 
<< Back

Glenn Beck: NBA Going Commie

May 11, 2010

















New York
- Minutes after Russian billionaire Mikhail Prokhorov officially became the owner of the flailing New Jersey Nets, radio and TV personality Glenn Beck tearfully called on the NBA to immediately void the sale.
 
“We must protect America against Russkies and other Commies who are everywhere and want to steal our American sports,” said Beck.
 
"What's to protect?" asked a befuddled Prokhorov in an exclusive interview with eTrueSports. "I'm buying the suckiest franchise in the league." The Nets were an NBA-worst 12-70 this past season.  
 
NBA Commissioner David Stern denied Beck's charges that he is moving the 60-year-old league  toward Communism. “The NBA will not go red on my watch,” said Stern. “Yes, Mikhail  Prokhorov is a Russian but he’s no communist or even socialist. Heck, he even paid for dinner last night, including dessert which I love.”
 
In a related story, Beck denied a report that his television variety show was planning on dropping selected Communists into boiling water during the Nielson organization's ongoing May sweeps which measure TV viewership.
 
“They're already pink," Beck joked.

<< Back

Reader Responses
No responses for this article
  • With his legal problems over, Goodyear renews offer to advertise on Barry Bonds' head. "Blimp them," says slugger.
  • “Karma's a bitch, " said an American Buddhist Society spokesman after Tiger Woods shot 76, 75, tying for 147th and missing the cut at The Open championship.
  • Trump calls wind at St. Andrews "un-American," demands Open Championship be moved to Kansas.
  • "Mexicans can't jump, everybody knows that," Donald Trump reportedly told fans in explaining why a border fence would stop illegal immigration. "Ask the NBA about (Eduardo) Najera," explained Trump. "No hops!"
  • Citing opposition to re-branding the state name, Donald Trump has abandoned plans to buy Iowa prior to the Republican primary on Feb 1, 2016.
  • Former reality TV star Donald Trump turns down six-figure offer to host Fox Sports 1’s competitive dance show, So You Think You Can Salsa? “No mas Español,” Trump said.
  • Trump calls on American Kennel Club to ban Chihuahuas from all dog shows. "They're foreign," explained Trump.
  • Donald Trump to finance and star in "Spawn of the Dead," "horror film with comedic elements," about son who inherits 27,000 NYC properties from his millionaire slumlord father.
  • More bad news for Phil Mickelson: In addition to a burgeoning $2.7 million illegal gambling scandal, the PGA is investigating rumors that the golfer may be a registered Democrat. “We’ll get to the bottom of this,” said Tour Commissioner Tim Finchem in a terse statement to the press.
  • Heard any good rumors?
    Email the publisher!