American Pie Association Wants MLB To Ban Shaving Cream

Jul 28, 2010

Real Whipped Cream "A Time-Honored Baseball Tradition"

New York – "Whipped cream pies-in-the-face are as American as the 7th inning stretch," said a spokesman for the American Pie Association in calling today for Major League Baseball to ban the use of shaving cream in post-game celebrations. Historians praised the APA for supporting a return to time-honored tradition.

"Cream face pie celebrations date back to 1883," said Pie Aficionado magazine's editor Marie Callender, "when Al Lamode took one in the puss after a game between the Cincinnati Red Stockings and the Detroit Wolverines."

Health concerns may help support the traditionalists' real cream argument. “My cosmetologist says shaving cream is drying out my face big time,” said an MLB player who asked not to be identified by name, “ I’m thinking about not hitting any more walk-off homers.”

Hall of Famer Bob Feller blamed modern players for the current situation. "They're a bunch of cheap bastards," said the crusty Feller. “We made about a hundred bucks a game, but we still paid for real cream – and whipped it ourselves.”

In a related story, MLB Commissioner Bud Selig denied that the torn meniscus the Florida Marlins' Chris Coghlan suffered - the first known incident of a player ending up on the DL due to shaving cream pie tomfoolery– had anything to do with a lack of real whipped cream. "Tommy Helms was not running away from Coghlan because the pie lacked whipped cream," explained Selig. "He's just got a crappy sense of humor."

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