eTrueSports Logo Saturday, January 31st, 2015
 
<< Back

American Pie Association Wants MLB To Ban Shaving Cream

Jul 28, 2010

Real Whipped Cream "A Time-Honored Baseball Tradition"

 

New York – "Whipped cream pies-in-the-face are as American as the 7th inning stretch," said a spokesman for the American Pie Association in calling today for Major League Baseball to ban the use of shaving cream in post-game celebrations. Historians praised the APA for supporting a return to time-honored tradition.

 

"Cream face pie celebrations date back to 1883," said Pie Aficionado magazine's editor Marie Callender, "when Al Lamode took one in the puss after a game between the Cincinnati Red Stockings and the Detroit Wolverines."

 

Health concerns may help support the traditionalists' real cream argument. “My cosmetologist says shaving cream is drying out my face big time,” said an MLB player who asked not to be identified by name, “ I’m thinking about not hitting any more walk-off homers.”

 

Hall of Famer Bob Feller blamed modern players for the current situation. "They're a bunch of cheap bastards," said the crusty Feller. “We made about a hundred bucks a game, but we still paid for real cream – and whipped it ourselves.”

 

In a related story, MLB Commissioner Bud Selig denied that the torn meniscus the Florida Marlins' Chris Coghlan suffered - the first known incident of a player ending up on the DL due to shaving cream pie tomfoolery– had anything to do with a lack of real whipped cream. "Tommy Helms was not running away from Coghlan because the pie lacked whipped cream," explained Selig. "He's just got a crappy sense of humor."

<< Back

Reader Responses
Jul 29, 2010 8:45 AM
Dukie4ever
Al Lamode?
You should be either ashamed or proud....I vote latter!
  • “Karma never forgets," said a spokesman for the American Buddhist Society commenting on Tiger Woods' 2015 debut, a first round 73, then a second round, career-worst 82 turd at the Phoenix Open.
  • NJ Governor Chris Christie's claim that he travelled late Monday night to Dallas Texas to help Cowboys owner Jerry Jones with snow removal at AT & T stadium is being questioned by the FBI. "It's 73 in Dallas today," a G-man told eTrueSports. "Something's real rotten here."
  • A protest outside CBS headquarters demanding the return of fired NBA analyst Greg Anthony was dispersed by the NYPD. "Neither of them had their hearts in it," cop tells eTrueSports.
  • OKC's Russell Westbrook will take a week's leave of absence from the Thunder to take an 'immersive' Dale Carnegie course. "My first priority is learning how to make friends with fat motherf**king reporters," Westbrook explained.
  • In Dog Show news, Sarah Palin has called for the banning of Afghan Hounds from all U.S. competitions. "They're foreign," explained Palin.
  • With rumors the Knicks may move to the D-league, Jeanie Buss reportedly told fiancee Phil Jackson she would not go house hunting in Fort Wayne, Indiana, sources have told eTrueSports.
  • Sources close to Condoleezza Rice deny that the incoming NFL Commissioner is pressuring Dan Snyder to change his team's name to the Washington Mushroom Clouds.
  • The American Birther Party has withdrawn an invitation to former Chicago Bear player and coach Mike Ditka to address their annual convention in Idaho. "We can't afford to be embarrassed," a Birther spokesman told eTrueSports.
  • "A dream come true," a source close to the Cleveland Indians told eTrueSports about the media attention focused on the Washington Redskins offensive nickname.
  • Heard any good rumors?
    Email the publisher!