eTrueSports Logo Friday, February 27th, 2015
 
<< Back

McCourt To Donate Dodgers to Bill & Melinda Gates Foundation

Apr 24, 2011

"I've been a real jerk"

LOS ANGELES - Frank McCourt, owner of the Los Angeles Dodgers, will donate the team and all its assets to the Bill & Melinda Gates Foundation, eTrueSports has learned.  
 
According to sources close to the team, a teary McCourt addressed the remaining Dodgers' employees being paid and announced that with the help of a team of psychiatrists, he had come to realize he is a "selfish jerk." He then dropped a bombshell: the Los Angeles Dodgers were now the property of the Bill & Melinda Gates Foundation.
 
The subdued owner added he understands that he put Dodger fans, the city of Los Angeles and Major League baseball through hell because of "my big insecurities."
 
McCourt said his former wife Jamie McCourt's very public affair with her driver/assistant was "pretty darn hurtful" and caused him to go on buying sprees which resulted in the current Dodger cash flow problems.
 
"If the Gates people need me to return the big screen TVs, I'll do that too," McCourt reportedly told a blogosphere reporter.
 
"It's the 'Weasel Trifecta,'" said a former federal prosecutor who requested anonymity. "He screws Bud Selig. He screws Jamie. And he gets out from under a mountain of debt. "
 
"Paul Allen's gonna have a cow," chuckled new Dodger owner Bill Gates, about his rival/friend who owns the Seattle Mariners.
 
"And now I'm pretty sure I'll get picked to play right field."

<< Back

Reader Responses
No responses for this article
  • Breaking: According to sources Lance Armstrong is set to star in Fox's new summer sitcom, "A Return To Gullible Island," and will sing the show's theme song, "A Three Hour Tour de France."
  • After learning at least two NFL officials stole in-play game balls intended for charity, top PR crisis firm DBBO WideWorld has resigned the NFL account. "It's hopeless," said a DBBO spokesman.
  • Developing Story: Nation shocked that Ultimate Fighting is a drug-drenched brutal spectacle.
  • Ultimate Fighting in negotiations with PBS for children's show. "We think kids will love watching other kids kick one another in the face," said UFC president Dana White, "plus they'll learn about tattoos."
  • The American Delusional Narcissist Society is set to induct Alex Rodriguez and Donald Trump into its Hall of Fame, eTruesports has learned.
  • According to sources in Finland, Jameis Winston failed to qualify for the upcoming World Mobile Phone Throwing Championships in Savonlinna, FI.
  • Sarah Palin has called on the Westminster Kennel Club to ban Afghan Hounds from their 139th Annual Dog Show. "They're foreign," explained Palin.
  • During a bizarre Pebble Beach interview Clint Eastwood suggested NHL experiment with 'Death Penalty Box.'
  • In NASCAR news, the pre-eminent stock car racing organization announced commitment to carbon neutrality by century's end.
  • Heard any good rumors?
    Email the publisher!