eTrueSports Logo Monday, April 27th, 2015
 
<< Back

McCourt To Donate Dodgers to Bill & Melinda Gates Foundation

Apr 24, 2011

"I've been a real jerk"

LOS ANGELES - Frank McCourt, owner of the Los Angeles Dodgers, will donate the team and all its assets to the Bill & Melinda Gates Foundation, eTrueSports has learned.  
 
According to sources close to the team, a teary McCourt addressed the remaining Dodgers' employees being paid and announced that with the help of a team of psychiatrists, he had come to realize he is a "selfish jerk." He then dropped a bombshell: the Los Angeles Dodgers were now the property of the Bill & Melinda Gates Foundation.
 
The subdued owner added he understands that he put Dodger fans, the city of Los Angeles and Major League baseball through hell because of "my big insecurities."
 
McCourt said his former wife Jamie McCourt's very public affair with her driver/assistant was "pretty darn hurtful" and caused him to go on buying sprees which resulted in the current Dodger cash flow problems.
 
"If the Gates people need me to return the big screen TVs, I'll do that too," McCourt reportedly told a blogosphere reporter.
 
"It's the 'Weasel Trifecta,'" said a former federal prosecutor who requested anonymity. "He screws Bud Selig. He screws Jamie. And he gets out from under a mountain of debt. "
 
"Paul Allen's gonna have a cow," chuckled new Dodger owner Bill Gates, about his rival/friend who owns the Seattle Mariners.
 
"And now I'm pretty sure I'll get picked to play right field."

<< Back

Reader Responses
No responses for this article
  • In addition to stiffing a "underage" 12-year schoolboy out of $20k for completing best NCAA bracket, financially troubled ESPN announced that cappuccino prices in Bristol CT employee cafeteria will rise to $9.95. Company also strongly advises parents of bracket winner Sam Holtz to take away boy's allowance and internet access across all platforms.
  • Check your bed for horse heads? "A man in my position can't afford to be made to look ridiculous," said the Knicks' James Dolan on being ranked by ESPN the worst NBA owner.
  • ESPN poll names James Dolan NBA's worst owner. "Karma's a bitch," observed former competitive golfer Tiger Woods.
  • Irate NCAA basketball fans crashed CBS Sports website Saturday night with thousands of e-mails calling for the firing of color commentator Len Elmore. "It's like being forced to have dinner with a grumpy uncle who hates every dish," said one message. "It makes you never want to eat again."
  • Basketball writer/analyst Seth Davis will become a full-time Burger King celebrity spokesperson when the NCAA tourney wraps. "Journalism is for saps," said Davis.
  • A.C. Neilson reports during Sunday's KU/Wichita St game CBS analyst Chris Webber was muted by 4.7 million fans, a network television record.
  • "This is quite a wakeup call," said Roger Clemens after agreeing to settle a defamation lawsuit his former trainer Brain McNamee filed in 2009. "I'm going to look very closely at the amount of lying I've been doing."
  • Mets withdraw offer to Donald Trump to be team's official mascot. "Some worrywart parents thought he'd scare young fans," says source.
  • Breaking: Lance Armstrong is set to star in Fox's new summer sitcom, "A Return To Gullible Island," and will sing the show's theme song, "A Three Hour Tour de France," eTrueSports has learned.
  • Heard any good rumors?
    Email the publisher!