eTrueSports Logo Saturday, November 28th, 2015
<< Back

McCourt To Donate Dodgers to Bill & Melinda Gates Foundation

Apr 24, 2011

"I've been a real jerk"

LOS ANGELES - Frank McCourt, owner of the Los Angeles Dodgers, will donate the team and all its assets to the Bill & Melinda Gates Foundation, eTrueSports has learned.  
According to sources close to the team, a teary McCourt addressed the remaining Dodgers' employees being paid and announced that with the help of a team of psychiatrists, he had come to realize he is a "selfish jerk." He then dropped a bombshell: the Los Angeles Dodgers were now the property of the Bill & Melinda Gates Foundation.
The subdued owner added he understands that he put Dodger fans, the city of Los Angeles and Major League baseball through hell because of "my big insecurities."
McCourt said his former wife Jamie McCourt's very public affair with her driver/assistant was "pretty darn hurtful" and caused him to go on buying sprees which resulted in the current Dodger cash flow problems.
"If the Gates people need me to return the big screen TVs, I'll do that too," McCourt reportedly told a blogosphere reporter.
"It's the 'Weasel Trifecta,'" said a former federal prosecutor who requested anonymity. "He screws Bud Selig. He screws Jamie. And he gets out from under a mountain of debt. "
"Paul Allen's gonna have a cow," chuckled new Dodger owner Bill Gates, about his rival/friend who owns the Seattle Mariners.
"And now I'm pretty sure I'll get picked to play right field."

<< Back

Reader Responses
No responses for this article
  • "Follow the falafel," says Donald Trump in call for monitoring of all Muslim tailgaters. "A-rab terrorists can't resist the stuff."
  • Ben Carson's proof of liberal media bias: "When was last time you went into movie theatre and saw a newsreel showing cheering Arab tailgaters?"
  • NBA considering league-wide ban on all Kardashians. Soul-sucking family tied to brutal start for Houston Rockets; all-star James Harden linked to female gang member.
  • "I'm only a jerk when I'm losing," said the Clippers' Chris Paul responding to an NBA players' poll finding him the league's No. 1 entitled punk.
  • Trump calls on NBA Muslims to be monitored. "Giant darkies" could be used by terrorists to id vulnerable roofs in urban locations.
  • Kings' DeMarques Cousins demands trade to Clippers, wants to take whining to next level. "No one grouses better," Cousins said. "They never stop!"
  • With his legal problems over, Goodyear renews offer to advertise on Barry Bonds' head. "Blimp them," says slugger.
  • “Karma's a bitch, " said an American Buddhist Society spokesman after Tiger Woods shot 76, 75, tying for 147th and missing the cut at The Open championship.
  • Trump calls wind at St. Andrews "un-American," demands Open Championship be moved to Kansas.
  • Heard any good rumors?
    Email the publisher!