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Let's Go Trumps

Dec 8, 2011

Mogul Will Take Over The Mets, Bat Cleanup


NEW YORK - Aspiring Mets' owner Donald Trump has vast plans to make over the beleaguered team, eTrueSports has learned - plans that include the mogul batting cleanup and playing centerfield in a renamed ballpark (The Donald Stadium) overlooking a renamed roadway (Grand Donald Parkway) for a renamed team (Trumps).

 

Not everyone is thrilled. "His butt is too fat to play centerfield," groused the team's towering new reliever Jon Rauch.

"When I pitch, hitting's really important," added worried starting pitcher Oliver Perez.

 

The Donald Stadium will feature Trump d'oeil paintings, upscale concessions Donald's Dogs and Trumpy's Tacos, an exclusive salon, DT's Hair Weave Parlor, and Trump Spuds, a potato emporium.

 

In a related story, responding to a New York Times/CBS poll which found that 87% of Americans felt "strongly" or "very strongly" that he was "the biggest asshole" in the United States, Trump said, "They can take Trump Tower and cram it up their favorite orifice."

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Reader Responses
Dec 8, 2011 1:33 PM
Jelly
Kill the Trumpire!
"Onward, through the fog"
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