eTrueSports Logo Thursday, November 26th, 2015
<< Back

Let's Go Trumps

Dec 8, 2011

Mogul Will Take Over The Mets, Bat Cleanup

NEW YORK - Aspiring Mets' owner Donald Trump has vast plans to make over the beleaguered team, eTrueSports has learned - plans that include the mogul batting cleanup and playing centerfield in a renamed ballpark (The Donald Stadium) overlooking a renamed roadway (Grand Donald Parkway) for a renamed team (Trumps).


Not everyone is thrilled. "His butt is too fat to play centerfield," groused the team's towering new reliever Jon Rauch.

"When I pitch, hitting's really important," added worried starting pitcher Oliver Perez.


The Donald Stadium will feature Trump d'oeil paintings, upscale concessions Donald's Dogs and Trumpy's Tacos, an exclusive salon, DT's Hair Weave Parlor, and Trump Spuds, a potato emporium.


In a related story, responding to a New York Times/CBS poll which found that 87% of Americans felt "strongly" or "very strongly" that he was "the biggest asshole" in the United States, Trump said, "They can take Trump Tower and cram it up their favorite orifice."

<< Back

Reader Responses
Dec 8, 2011 1:33 PM
Kill the Trumpire!
"Onward, through the fog"
  • "Follow the falafel," says Donald Trump in call for monitoring of all Muslim tailgaters. "A-rab terrorists can't resist the stuff."
  • Ben Carson's proof of liberal media bias: "When was last time you went into movie theatre and saw a newsreel showing cheering Arab tailgaters?"
  • NBA considering league-wide ban on all Kardashians. Soul-sucking family tied to brutal start for Houston Rockets; all-star James Harden linked to female gang member.
  • "I'm only a jerk when I'm losing," said the Clippers' Chris Paul responding to an NBA players' poll finding him the league's No. 1 entitled punk.
  • Trump calls on NBA Muslims to be monitored. "Giant darkies" could be used by terrorists to id vulnerable roofs in urban locations.
  • Kings' DeMarques Cousins demands trade to Clippers, wants to take whining to next level. "No one grouses better," Cousins said. "They never stop!"
  • With his legal problems over, Goodyear renews offer to advertise on Barry Bonds' head. "Blimp them," says slugger.
  • “Karma's a bitch, " said an American Buddhist Society spokesman after Tiger Woods shot 76, 75, tying for 147th and missing the cut at The Open championship.
  • Trump calls wind at St. Andrews "un-American," demands Open Championship be moved to Kansas.
  • Heard any good rumors?
    Email the publisher!