Let's Go Trumps * Donald Trump to buy Mets, bat cleanup

Let's Go Trumps

Dec 8, 2011

Mogul Will Take Over The Mets, Bat Cleanup

NEW YORK - Aspiring Mets' owner Donald Trump has vast plans to make over the beleaguered team, eTrueSports has learned - plans that include the mogul batting cleanup and playing centerfield in a renamed ballpark (The Donald Stadium) overlooking a renamed roadway (Grand Donald Parkway) for a renamed team (Trumps).

Not everyone is thrilled. "His butt is too fat to play centerfield," groused the team's towering new reliever Jon Rauch.

"When I pitch, hitting's really important," added worried starting pitcher Oliver Perez.

The Donald Stadium will feature Trump d'oeil paintings, upscale concessions Donald's Dogs and Trumpy's Tacos, an exclusive salon, DT's Hair Weave Parlor, and Trump Spuds, a potato emporium.

In a related story, responding to a New York Times/CBS poll which found that 87% of Americans felt "strongly" or "very strongly" that he was "the biggest asshole" in the United States, Trump said, "They can take Trump Tower and cram it up their favorite orifice."

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Reader Responses

Dec 8, 2011 1:33 PM

Jelly

Kill the Trumpire!

"Onward, through the fog"

Lost Elvis Golf Music Video Found!

Michael Phelps for The Clean Bong Water Foundation

"Karma sure is a bitch," a spokeswoman for the American Buddhist Society told eTrueSports about Tiger Woods' 13-over par score at the U.S. Open, his worst-ever performance in a major.

In what could be a poignant end to a once promising second career for Sarah Palin, eTrueSports has learned that the Alaska Ass Clowns of the fledgling Caucasian Basketball Association have ended negotiations with the former politician to become the team's new mascot "Butthole". "Our focus group said she'd scare children," explained an Ass Clowns' spokesman.

Los Angeles Lakers' center Dwight Howard has been rushed to Children's Hospital where he was diagnosed with Early-Onset Megalomania. "This is a real wake-up call," Howard told eTrueSports. "I need to concentrate 100% on myself to get better."

Go figure: The Mets Ike Davis (.161) was sent down to the minors despite three doubles and two intentional walks.

Sources close to Kobe Bryant have told eTrueSports the athlete/comedian will star in a remake of the 1997 TV movie "Mother Knows Best." Sources close to Bryant say his lawsuit against his real mother may have been a "PR ploy gone wrong."

Liberty University has added ESPN basketball analyst Chris Broussard as a commencement speaker, eTrueSports has learned. "The world needs more black bigots," said a spokesman for the evangelical Christian school of higher learning.

SOMETHING TO CELEBRATE DEPT: eTrueSports' Video Investigative Unit has confirmed that Grizzlies' forward Zach Randolph touched the rim at 3:42 of the 3rd quarter during his team's 93-86 elimination loss to the Spurs on May 27th.

The case against the crowd outside Pauley Pavilion who demanded the return of fired basketball coach Ben Howland has been dropped by the LAPD. "Both of them are good kids," spokesman told eTrueSports. "They just made a dumb mistake."

The National Transportation Safety Board investigation into ex-UCLA basketball coach Ben Howland's offense as source of drowsiness blamed for a rash of campus pedestrian collisions has been suspended. "The Westwood nightmare is over," said an NTSB spokesman.

Heard any good rumors?
Email the publisher!

	Thursday, June 20th, 2013
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<< Back Let's Go Trumps Dec 8, 2011 Mogul Will Take Over The Mets, Bat Cleanup NEW YORK - Aspiring Mets' owner Donald Trump has vast plans to make over the beleaguered team, eTrueSports has learned - plans that include the mogul batting cleanup and playing centerfield in a renamed ballpark (The Donald Stadium) overlooking a renamed roadway (Grand Donald Parkway) for a renamed team (Trumps). Not everyone is thrilled. "His butt is too fat to play centerfield," groused the team's towering new reliever Jon Rauch. "When I pitch, hitting's really important," added worried starting pitcher Oliver Perez. The Donald Stadium will feature Trump d'oeil paintings, upscale concessions Donald's Dogs and Trumpy's Tacos, an exclusive salon, DT's Hair Weave Parlor, and Trump Spuds, a potato emporium. In a related story, responding to a New York Times/CBS poll which found that 87% of Americans felt "strongly" or "very strongly" that he was "the biggest asshole" in the United States, Trump said, "They can take Trump Tower and cram it up their favorite orifice." << Back Respond to this article \| Email this article to a friend \| Reader Responses Dec 8, 2011 1:33 PM Jelly Kill the Trumpire! "Onward, through the fog" Lost Elvis Golf Music Video Found! Michael Phelps for The Clean Bong Water Foundation "Karma sure is a bitch," a spokeswoman for the American Buddhist Society told eTrueSports about Tiger Woods' 13-over par score at the U.S. Open, his worst-ever performance in a major. In what could be a poignant end to a once promising second career for Sarah Palin, eTrueSports has learned that the Alaska Ass Clowns of the fledgling Caucasian Basketball Association have ended negotiations with the former politician to become the team's new mascot "Butthole". "Our focus group said she'd scare children," explained an Ass Clowns' spokesman. Los Angeles Lakers' center Dwight Howard has been rushed to Children's Hospital where he was diagnosed with Early-Onset Megalomania. "This is a real wake-up call," Howard told eTrueSports. "I need to concentrate 100% on myself to get better." Go figure: The Mets Ike Davis (.161) was sent down to the minors despite three doubles and two intentional walks. Sources close to Kobe Bryant have told eTrueSports the athlete/comedian will star in a remake of the 1997 TV movie "Mother Knows Best." Sources close to Bryant say his lawsuit against his real mother may have been a "PR ploy gone wrong." Liberty University has added ESPN basketball analyst Chris Broussard as a commencement speaker, eTrueSports has learned. "The world needs more black bigots," said a spokesman for the evangelical Christian school of higher learning. SOMETHING TO CELEBRATE DEPT: eTrueSports' Video Investigative Unit has confirmed that Grizzlies' forward Zach Randolph touched the rim at 3:42 of the 3rd quarter during his team's 93-86 elimination loss to the Spurs on May 27th. The case against the crowd outside Pauley Pavilion who demanded the return of fired basketball coach Ben Howland has been dropped by the LAPD. "Both of them are good kids," spokesman told eTrueSports. "They just made a dumb mistake." The National Transportation Safety Board investigation into ex-UCLA basketball coach Ben Howland's offense as source of drowsiness blamed for a rash of campus pedestrian collisions has been suspended. "The Westwood nightmare is over," said an NTSB spokesman. Heard any good rumors? Email the publisher! Most Popular Stories A-Rod Says "Sorry" With Full-Body, Pinstripe Tattoo Mets Owner to Marry - Knicks Owner! Travis Henry Rushes To Spitzer's Side Mariah Carey Turns Down Offer From Kansas City Royals Carmelo: Google's SportsApologies Widget Works Great! Read All the News!		Rare photo of golfer Bubba Watson thinking Latest drug scandal PR dream for A-Rod's new cereal Sarah Palin calls new FIFA logo "foreign and dirty" Gillette accused of anti--whipped cream whisper campaign Chicago Mayor Emanuel calls new Cubs' logo "realistic"
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