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Petrino Pledges To Keep Moving Until Housing Crisis Eases

Apr 11, 2012

Fayetteville, AK – In what is being described as a “courageous and selfless” decision, fired Arkansas Razorbacks football coach Bobby Petrino announced today that he would commit to buying another house, his sixth in the last 11 years, as soon as he found an organization "dumb enough" to hire him.

“Everyone knows America faces a housing crisis,” said Petrino in an emotional press conference, “and I feel it is my responsibility to give back.”

Petrino, who was canned on April 11th for "reckless and irresponsible behavior" involving a girl and a motorcycle, said he was not sure whether his 25-year old mistress, Jessica Dorrell, would be making the move.

"I'll probably have to talk to the Mrs. about that," Petrino joked, the only light moment at the otherwise somber press gathering.

"We hope Bob's decision will encourage others when they are fired to relocate and buy new – or, God forbid, even used – houses,” said Republican presidential candidate Mitt Romney in a statement praising Petrino, now the former Jacksonville/ Auburn/Louisville/Atlanta/Arkansas coach.

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Reader Responses
Apr 12, 2012 9:08 AM
She may be a Razorback, but she's no pig....
Apr 11, 2012 7:44 PM
I think New Orleans' search may be over......
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