eTrueSports Logo Friday, February 5th, 2016
 

Article Archive

FCC To Ban Close-Ups of Coach K, Roy Williams
Mar 25th, 2015
Washington (eTrueSports) - Following a torrent of complaints from outraged parents the FCC is reportedly set to ban TV close-ups of basketball coaches Roy Williams and Mike Krzyzewski during game broadcasts. Read more...
Ted Cruz Calls For Oil Drilling On U.S. Soccer Fields
Mar 23rd, 2015
Washington (eTrueSports) - After denouncing the World Cup as a foreign plot to infiltrate Americans' hearts and minds, Texas Senator and new Republican presidential candidate Ted Cruz announced that he would immediately introduce legislation calling for oil drilling on all U.S. soccer fields, eTrueSports has learned. Read more...
Bracketology's Dark Side: Kindergarten Betting Gone Wild
Mar 18th, 2015
TOLEDO, OH (eTrueSports) - Administrators at Hadley Lane Elementary School in Toledo reacted forcefully today after discovering that kindergarteners were "massively" involved in an NCAA men's basketball pool. According to sources, "thousands of bags of Skittles" are involved. Read more...
Mark Cuban Buys 1st Franchise in National Curling League
Feb 20th, 2015
Dallas, TX (eTrueSports) - Buoyed by the success of NBC Sports' "Curling Night In America," Mark Cuban, owner of the NBA Dallas Mavericks, announced he has purchased the first franchise in the newly formed National Curling League (NCL). Read more...
A-Rod's Apology Includes Dramatic Full Body Pinstripe Tat
Feb 18th, 2015
New York – Alex Rodriguez is apparently serious about his apology to the New York Yankees. What else to conclude when less than 24 hours after his public mea culpa, A-Rod unveiled a dramatic full body pinstripe tattoo in a lightly-attended press conference at a tat parlor in the Bronx. Read more...
A-Rod's New Nightmare: Cousin Yuri Writing Book
Feb 17th, 2015
New York (eTrueSports) - Can it get worse? With news that his drug dealer Anthony Bosch was just sentenced to four years in jail Alex Rodriguez was hit with another blow today when it was revealed that Yuri Sucart, his controversial, drug-injecting cousin, is shopping "Shot of Candor: My Life with A-Rod" to major publishers. Read more...
After Pebble Win, 'Breaded' Snedeker Added To Masters' Menu
Feb 16th, 2015
Carmel, CA (eTrueSports) - "I'm not sure if I'm more honored to be playing in the Masters or to have Breaded Snedeker, my favorite dish in the world, added to the Champion's Dinner menu," said Brandt Snedeker after winning the Pebble Beach Pro-Am tournament on Sunday. Read more...
Dolan Blames H.S. English Teacher for Illiterate E-Mail
Feb 10th, 2015
New York (eTrueSports) - Humiliated by a shockingly illiterate e-mail, beleaguered MSG Chairman James Dolan is threatening legal action against his Fairfield Prep English teacher, Dr. Dylan Healy. "Healy should have taught me how to write grammatically, not criticize me all the time," Dolan said. Read more...
Lance Armstrong Rushes To Brian Williams' Bedside
Feb 5th, 2015
New York (eTrueSports) - After learning that beleaguered NBC news anchor Brian Williams is reportedly refusing to leave his bed, Lance Armstrong announced he was flying to New York to counsel "the bravest man in America." Read more...
Easy-to-Follow Talking Points for Marshawn Lynch
Jan 30th, 2015
"I think it's fair to say that everyone defines rudeness a bit differently." Read more...
  • Donald J. Trump calls for MMA cage fighting to replace baseball as US's National Pastime. "It's as vulgar and ugly as I am," praised the former reality TV star.
  • Papa John's "cheap shitty pizza a disgrace to America," says Al-Jazerra TV responding to criticism from the pie company's spokesman Peyton Manning.
  • Goodyear has offered Chris Christie $1 million for digital naming rights to the NJ governor's stomach. "Blimp them," said Christie.
  • Irate Papa John's exec Peyton Manning denies chain adds HGH to pizzas: "Total garbage. Everyone knows that stuff makes you nauseous."
  • A crowd supporting the Kings' Rajon Rondo was broken up by Sacramento police today. "Neither of 'em had their hearts in it," officer says.
  • In rare public statement Alcoholics Anonymous calls former USC coach Steve Sarkasian a "weasel and phony who wouldn't know a Step from a stoop;" narcissist is first person in U.S. history banned from AA meetings.
  • BREAKING: Trump bars delivery of all Middle Eastern food from NY's Trump Tower. "Today's falafel eater is tomorrow's terrorist," Trump said.
  • After calling liberals "concussion alarmists" Flat Earth Society withdraws speaking invite to ESPN's Danny Kanell. "We can't afford to be embarrassed," said FES spokesman.
  • Supreme Court judge Antonin Scalia clarifies recent remarks: "Ok for negroes" to attend top schools if they can run 100 yard dash in under 11 seconds.
  • Heard any good rumors?
    Email the publisher!