eTrueSports Logo Wednesday, April 23rd, 2014

Article Archive

Let's Go ... Trumps?
Mar 28th, 2014
New York (eTrueSports)- Reality TV personality Donald Trump is in serious discussions to purchase the financially beleaguered New York Mets, eTrueSports has learned. A source close to Trump denied conversations about changing the team's name to The Trumps. Read more...
Foundation Fiasco Sends Hysterical Dan Snyder To Hospital
Mar 27th, 2014
Washington (eTrueSports) - Sources close to the Washington Redsk*ns say that when owner Dan Snyder learned from press reports that the head of his new "Original Americans Foundation" may have bilked the Bureau of Indian Affairs out of $1 million, the mogul began sobbing so uncontrollably he was rushed to the Psychiatric Institute of Washington. Read more...
Jim Irsay to Star In Fox Reality Show "Sons of Entitlement"
Mar 25th, 2014
NEW YORK (eTrueSports)- FOX is set to unveil a new television series, Sons of Entitlement, starring three colorful characters who imperiously rule over iconic sports teams owned by their fathers. Colts' Irsay, Knicks' Dolan, Mets' Wilpon to co-star. Read more...
Bracketology's Dark Side: Kindergarten Betting Gone Wild
Mar 21st, 2014
TOLEDO, OH (eTrueSports)- The dark side of Bracketology. Administrators at Hadley Lane Elementary School in Toledo reacted forcefully today after discovering that hundreds of kindergarteners were involved in a Skittled-based NCAA men's basketball pool. Read more...
Kids' Groups: No Close-ups of Williams, Krzyzewski
Mar 20th, 2014
NEW YORK (eTrueSports) - With the NCAA men's basketball tournament beginning today, children's advocacy groups are calling on CBS and TNT to no longer show close-ups of the faces of North Carolina and Duke basketball coaches Roy Williams and Mike Krzyzewski during game broadcasts. Read more...
Ukrainian Invasion May Prompt Putin Move to UFC
Mar 14th, 2014
MOSCOW (eTrueSports) - "He's scared to death of the Ukies," a longtime Putin confidante told eTrueSports, claiming a Ukrainian invasion of Russia would prompt Putin to jump to the UFC to fight in the women's bantamweight division. Read more...
Apres Hockey: Palin Calls For Invasion of Canada
Feb 20th, 2014
Alaska - UPDATE: "Now I'm really mad," Sarah Palin said after learning the U.S. men lost to Canada 1-0 in the men's Olympic hockey semi-final on Friday. Following Thursday's 3-2 U.S. overtime loss in women's Olympic hockey, Palin called on Canada to return the Gold Medal or face a military invasion. "Only American goals should count." Read more...
Putin Outrage: Olympic Logo Looks Like Bagels
Feb 5th, 2014
Sochi (eTrueSports) - Russian president Vladimir Putin called today for the immediate replacement of the iconic Olympic games logo, claiming it looks like five interlocking bagels - a bread product associated with Jewish delis and bakeries. Read more...
Papa John's Set To Dump Peyton Manning?
Feb 2nd, 2014
Louisville (eTrueSports) - A source close to bargain pizza purveyor Papa John says the company will dump Peyton Manning as a company spokesman. "Any way you slice it, he's a loser," the source told eTrueSports. Read more...
Christie Shocker: Gov Will Resign To Fight In UFC
Feb 2nd, 2014
Trenton, N.J. (eTrueSports) - A source close to Chris Christie has told eTrueSports that the beleaguered NJ Governor will resign his office to sign a seven-figure deal with the Ultimate Fighting Championship (UFC). STORY UPDATE: "Bottleneck" replaces "Bridge Boy" as nom de guerre. Read more...
  • Sources close to the Red Sox say due to a scheduling conflict, former pitcher Bill Lee will not throw out the first ball against the Orioles on Sunday, April 20th. "Somebody spaced out," one longtime Sox observer told eTrueSports.
  • Oklahoma center Kendrick Perkins touched the rim late in the 2nd quarter of the Thunder's victory over Memphis on Saturday, eTrueSports has learned.
  • Papa John's Pizza pitchman Jim Nantz has taken the lead in the Annual Worst Actor In A Commercial Award, eTrueSports has learned. "Truly embarrassing," a longtime Madison Ave. executive said, who called the currently airing national spot "as cheap and crappy as the pizza."
  • Tigers' star Miguel Cabrera announced he will use a portion of his $248 million contract extension to purchase Detroit. "Good write-off," said Cabrera.
  • "Karma's a bitch and she's got a long memory," a spokesman for the American Buddhist Club told eTrueSports about Tiger Woods' withdrawal from the 2014 Masters.
  • In another example of government-regulation-gone-wild, the FCC has ruled that at least one minute of broadcast time during each hour of Masters broadcasts be reserved for “non-erectile dysfunction” products.
  • A crowd outside WFAN studios supporting Mike Francesa was dispersed without incident by the NYPD late Friday afternoon. "Neither of them had their hearts in it," a patrolman told eTrueSports.
  • Knicks' owner James Dolan will finance and star in "Spawn of the Dead," described as a "horror film with comedic elements," eTrueSports has learned. The Mets Jeff Wilpon and Yankees' Hank Steinbrenner are reportedly considering co-starring roles.
  • A challenge overturned the Mets' GM Sandy Alderson's 'We're-a-90-victory team' assertion in the first pre-game use of MLB's new replay system. "Delusional and sad," said a source close to Commissioner Bud Selig.
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