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Article Archive

UPDATE: Fort Wayne Mad Ants Still Set To Replace Knicks
Dec 11th, 2014
UPDATE: New York (eTrueSports) - Despite a lawsuit by the Mad Ant's "Hot Hoosierettes" dance team which delayed Sunday's planned Ants debut in NY, NBA Commissioner Adam Silver is adamant about replacing the New York Knickerbockers with the Fort Wayne Mad Ants of the Development League, sources have told eTrueSports. Read more...
Roger Goodell Supporter Located in Pocatello
Sep 19th, 2014
Pocatello, Idaho (eTrueSports) – After an exhaustive nationwide search, a Pocatello man has been identified as a Roger Goodell supporter, eTrueSports has learned. Read more...
Brawling For Dollars: UFC Signs Sarah Palin
Sep 13th, 2014
New York (eTrueSports) - Former Alaska governor Sarah Palin has been signed by Ultimate Fighting Championships and will compete in the MMA women’s 145-pound division. “After seeing the Alaska brawl, we were convinced," said UFC President Dana White. "She's a mean, vicious little SOB who will fit in beautifully with our UFC family.” Read more...
Goodell: NFL To Go Two-Hand Touch To Weed Out Psychos
Sep 12th, 2014
New York (eTrueSports) - "We're getting rid of the psychos," said Commissioner Roger Goodell in a stunning announcement that beginning with the 2015 season the NFL would become a "two-hand touch" league. Read more...
Chicks Won't Leave Me Alone: Jerry Jones New Surgery
Sep 10th, 2014
Dallas, TX (eTrueSports)- According to sources close to the Dallas Cowboys, owner Jerry Jones, beleaguered by multiple accusations from strippers and hookers of sexual harassment, will undergo a new round of plastic surgeries to dramatically change his appearance. Read more...
Jacksonville Jaguars Launch 'Keep That Safety On!' Campaign
Aug 27th, 2014
Jacksonville, FL - In the face of mounting criticism over the use of discounted concealed weapons permits to boost lagging ticket sales, the NFL's Jacksonville Jaguars announced today the launch of 'Keep That Safety On,' a public service campaign designed to discourage gun violence. Read more...
Snyder's Sobs Bring EMS, Bad Mascot Karma Cited
Aug 25th, 2014
Washington - A District of Columbia EMS unit was rushed over the weekend to Washington team headquarters after owner Dan Snyder's prolonged sobbing alarmed the club's executives, eTrueSports has learned. "Bad mascot karma" cited by friends. Read more...
Cubs Owner Ricketts to Host Employee Appreciation Barbeque
Aug 23rd, 2014
Chicago - Beleaguered Cubs owner Tom Ricketts announced today he would host the first ever Cubs Employees Appreciation Barbeque to honor the team's workers. The hour-long gourmet hot dog and hamburg cookout will be held on the grounds of one of Ricketts personal homes. Read more...
Redskins To Join Wops, Chinks, Spics in New NFC Division
Jul 11th, 2014
New York (eTrueSports) - In a joint statement NFL Commissioner Roger Goodell and Washington Redskins owner Dan Snyder announced today that three new franchises - the New Jersey Wops, Los Angeles Chinks and Arizona Spics would join the Redskins in a newly created NFL division, the NFC Slur. Read more...
American Tea Bagger Party Wants NHL Banned From U.S.
Jul 3rd, 2014
Mississippi (eTrueSports) - With the American Tea Bagger Party reportedly set to call for the dissolution of the "socialist" National Hockey League, eTrueSports has obtained a copy of a secret 10-point anti-NHL "talking points" memo distributed to T-Bag activists and Fox News employees. Read more...
  • “Karma never forgets," said a spokesman for the American Buddhist Society commenting on Tiger Woods' 2015 debut, a first round 73, then a second round, career-worst 82 turd at the Phoenix Open.
  • NJ Governor Chris Christie's claim that he travelled late Monday night to Dallas Texas to help Cowboys owner Jerry Jones with snow removal at AT & T stadium is being questioned by the FBI. "It's 73 in Dallas today," a G-man told eTrueSports. "Something's real rotten here."
  • A protest outside CBS headquarters demanding the return of fired NBA analyst Greg Anthony was dispersed by the NYPD. "Neither of them had their hearts in it," cop tells eTrueSports.
  • OKC's Russell Westbrook will take a week's leave of absence from the Thunder to take an 'immersive' Dale Carnegie course. "My first priority is learning how to make friends with fat motherf**king reporters," Westbrook explained.
  • In Dog Show news, Sarah Palin has called for the banning of Afghan Hounds from all U.S. competitions. "They're foreign," explained Palin.
  • With rumors the Knicks may move to the D-league, Jeanie Buss reportedly told fiancee Phil Jackson she would not go house hunting in Fort Wayne, Indiana, sources have told eTrueSports.
  • Sources close to Condoleezza Rice deny that the incoming NFL Commissioner is pressuring Dan Snyder to change his team's name to the Washington Mushroom Clouds.
  • The American Birther Party has withdrawn an invitation to former Chicago Bear player and coach Mike Ditka to address their annual convention in Idaho. "We can't afford to be embarrassed," a Birther spokesman told eTrueSports.
  • "A dream come true," a source close to the Cleveland Indians told eTrueSports about the media attention focused on the Washington Redskins offensive nickname.
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