eTrueSports Logo Friday, March 6th, 2015
 

Article Archive

Easy-to-Follow Talking Points for Marshawn Lynch
Jan 30th, 2015
"I think it's fair to say that everyone defines rudeness a bit differently." Read more...
Lindsey Graham Calls for Boycotting of "Obama Bowl"
Jan 29th, 2015
Washington (eTrueSports) - Lindsey Graham, the South Carolina senator gearing up for a Republican presidential primary run, is calling for Americans to boycott the Super Bowl, scheduled for Sunday evening in prime time. Read more...
Relax Fans: Plump Trump in Training for Hot Dog Contest
Jan 27th, 2015
New York (eTrueSports) - Trump fans, relax. Panic buttons off. The Donald's recent dramatic weight gain, which has thousands of his fans deeply concerned about his health, is all part of the mogul's latest dazzling pr stunt: winning Nathan's Coney Island Hot Dog Eating Contest. So Trump is in training, consuming over 10,000 calories a day, primarily with hot dogs and Goldenberg peanut chews. His only exercise is chewing. Read more...
Will Deflated Balls Sack 'Belicheat'?
Jan 21st, 2015
Boston (eTrueSports) - In the wake of new cheating accusations, Bill Belichick will reportedly resign as coach of the New England Patriots, eTrueSports has learned. The shocking news took a bizarre turn when it was revealed that Belichick plans to open "Hoodies R Us," a hi-end clothing store. Read more...
Ethical Society Pulls Invite to Fox Sports' Joe Buck
Jan 20th, 2015
New York (eTrueSports) - Following Joe Buck's description of UFC martial arts fighting as "fun" during the NFC Championship game, the American Ethical Society has withdrawn its invitation to the Fox Sports play-by-play announcer to give a keynote address on Morality in Sports at the AES's upcoming national convention. Read more...
Lakers Shocker: Kobe No Longer Will Eat With Team
Dec 15th, 2014
Los Angeles - Lakers' superstar Kobe Bryant will no longer participate in pre and post-game team meals a source close to the team told eTrueSports. The shocking revelation came minutes after the Lakers lost to the lowly Indiana Pacers 110-91. Read more...
UPDATE: Fort Wayne Mad Ants Still Set To Replace Knicks
Dec 11th, 2014
UPDATE: New York (eTrueSports) - Despite a lawsuit by the Mad Ant's "Hot Hoosierettes" dance team which delayed Sunday's planned Ants debut in NY, NBA Commissioner Adam Silver is adamant about replacing the New York Knickerbockers with the Fort Wayne Mad Ants of the Development League, sources have told eTrueSports. Read more...
Roger Goodell Supporter Located in Pocatello
Sep 19th, 2014
Pocatello, Idaho (eTrueSports) – After an exhaustive nationwide search, a Pocatello man has been identified as a Roger Goodell supporter, eTrueSports has learned. Read more...
Brawling For Dollars: UFC Signs Sarah Palin
Sep 13th, 2014
New York (eTrueSports) - Former Alaska governor Sarah Palin has been signed by Ultimate Fighting Championships and will compete in the MMA women’s 145-pound division. “After seeing the Alaska brawl, we were convinced," said UFC President Dana White. "She's a mean, vicious little SOB who will fit in beautifully with our UFC family.” Read more...
Goodell: NFL To Go Two-Hand Touch To Weed Out Psychos
Sep 12th, 2014
New York (eTrueSports) - "We're getting rid of the psychos," said Commissioner Roger Goodell in a stunning announcement that beginning with the 2015 season the NFL would become a "two-hand touch" league. Read more...
  • BREAKING: Mets' Daniel Murphy announces engagement to golfer Bubba Watson.
  • Mets' 2nd basemen Daniel Murphy's autobiography, "Ignorant Bigot: A Life Unexamined" being shopped to NY publishers eTrueSports has learned. "It's a quick read," said one editor who reviewed book proposal.
  • Breaking: According to sources Lance Armstrong is set to star in Fox's new summer sitcom, "A Return To Gullible Island," and will sing the show's theme song, "A Three Hour Tour de France."
  • After learning at least two NFL officials stole in-play game balls intended for charity, top PR crisis firm DBBO WideWorld has resigned the NFL account. "It's hopeless," said a DBBO spokesman.
  • Developing Story: Nation shocked that Ultimate Fighting is a drug-drenched brutal spectacle.
  • Ultimate Fighting in negotiations with PBS for children's show. "We think kids will love watching other kids kick one another in the face," said UFC president Dana White, "plus they'll learn about tattoos."
  • The American Delusional Narcissist Society is set to induct Alex Rodriguez and Donald Trump into its Hall of Fame, eTruesports has learned.
  • According to sources in Finland, Jameis Winston failed to qualify for the upcoming World Mobile Phone Throwing Championships in Savonlinna, FI.
  • Sarah Palin has called on the Westminster Kennel Club to ban Afghan Hounds from their 139th Annual Dog Show. "They're foreign," explained Palin.
  • Heard any good rumors?
    Email the publisher!