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Article Archive

A-Rod's New Nightmare: Cousin Yuri Writing Book
Feb 17th, 2015
New York (eTrueSports) - Can it get worse? With news that his drug dealer Anthony Bosch was just sentenced to four years in jail Alex Rodriguez was hit with another blow today when it was revealed that Yuri Sucart, his controversial, drug-injecting cousin, is shopping "Shot of Candor: My Life with A-Rod" to major publishers. Read more...
After Pebble Win, 'Breaded' Snedeker Added To Masters' Menu
Feb 16th, 2015
Carmel, CA (eTrueSports) - "I'm not sure if I'm more honored to be playing in the Masters or to have Breaded Snedeker, my favorite dish in the world, added to the Champion's Dinner menu," said Brandt Snedeker after winning the Pebble Beach Pro-Am tournament on Sunday. Read more...
Dolan Blames H.S. English Teacher for Illiterate E-Mail
Feb 10th, 2015
New York (eTrueSports) - Humiliated by a shockingly illiterate e-mail, beleaguered MSG Chairman James Dolan is threatening legal action against his Fairfield Prep English teacher, Dr. Dylan Healy. "Healy should have taught me how to write grammatically, not criticize me all the time," Dolan said. Read more...
Lance Armstrong Rushes To Brian Williams' Bedside
Feb 5th, 2015
New York (eTrueSports) - After learning that beleaguered NBC news anchor Brian Williams is reportedly refusing to leave his bed, Lance Armstrong announced he was flying to New York to counsel "the bravest man in America." Read more...
Easy-to-Follow Talking Points for Marshawn Lynch
Jan 30th, 2015
"I think it's fair to say that everyone defines rudeness a bit differently." Read more...
Lindsey Graham Calls for Boycotting of "Obama Bowl"
Jan 29th, 2015
Washington (eTrueSports) - Lindsey Graham, the South Carolina senator gearing up for a Republican presidential primary run, is calling for Americans to boycott the Super Bowl, scheduled for Sunday evening in prime time. Read more...
Relax Fans: Plump Trump in Training for Hot Dog Contest
Jan 27th, 2015
New York (eTrueSports) - Trump fans, relax. Panic buttons off. The Donald's recent dramatic weight gain, which has thousands of his fans deeply concerned about his health, is all part of the mogul's latest dazzling pr stunt: winning Nathan's Coney Island Hot Dog Eating Contest. So Trump is in training, consuming over 10,000 calories a day, primarily with hot dogs and Goldenberg peanut chews. His only exercise is chewing. Read more...
Will Deflated Balls Sack 'Belicheat'?
Jan 21st, 2015
Boston (eTrueSports) - In the wake of new cheating accusations, Bill Belichick will reportedly resign as coach of the New England Patriots, eTrueSports has learned. The shocking news took a bizarre turn when it was revealed that Belichick plans to open "Hoodies R Us," a hi-end clothing store. Read more...
Ethical Society Pulls Invite to Fox Sports' Joe Buck
Jan 20th, 2015
New York (eTrueSports) - Following Joe Buck's description of UFC martial arts fighting as "fun" during the NFC Championship game, the American Ethical Society has withdrawn its invitation to the Fox Sports play-by-play announcer to give a keynote address on Morality in Sports at the AES's upcoming national convention. Read more...
Lakers Shocker: Kobe No Longer Will Eat With Team
Dec 15th, 2014
Los Angeles - Lakers' superstar Kobe Bryant will no longer participate in pre and post-game team meals a source close to the team told eTrueSports. The shocking revelation came minutes after the Lakers lost to the lowly Indiana Pacers 110-91. Read more...
  • Check your bed for horse heads? "A man in my position can't afford to be made to look ridiculous," said the Knicks' James Dolan on being ranked by ESPN the worst NBA owner.
  • ESPN poll names James Dolan NBA's worst owner. "Karma's a bitch," observed sociologist and professional golfer Tiger Woods.
  • Irate NCAA basketball fans crashed CBS Sports website Saturday night with thousands of e-mails calling for the firing of color commentator Len Elmore. "It's like being forced to have dinner with a grumpy uncle who hates every dish," said one message. "It makes you never want to eat again."
  • Basketball writer/analyst Seth Davis will become a full-time Burger King celebrity spokesperson when the NCAA tourney wraps. "Journalism is for saps," said Davis.
  • A.C. Neilson reports during Sunday's KU/Wichita St game CBS analyst Chris Webber was muted by 4.7 million fans, a network television record.
  • "This is quite a wakeup call," said Roger Clemens after agreeing to settle a defamation lawsuit his former trainer Brain McNamee filed in 2009. "I'm going to look very closely at the amount of lying I've been doing."
  • Mets withdraw offer to Donald Trump to be team's official mascot. "Some worrywart parents thought he'd scare young fans," says source.
  • Breaking: Lance Armstrong is set to star in Fox's new summer sitcom, "A Return To Gullible Island," and will sing the show's theme song, "A Three Hour Tour de France," eTrueSports has learned.
  • Mets' 2nd basemen Daniel Murphy's autobiography, "Ignorant Bigot: A Life Unexamined" being shopped to NY publishers eTrueSports has learned. "It's a quick read," said one editor who reviewed book proposal.
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