|Monday, December 22nd, 2014|
Jacksonville Jaguars Launch 'Keep That Safety On!' Campaign
Aug 27th, 2014
Jacksonville, FL - In the face of mounting criticism over the use of discounted concealed weapons permits to boost lagging ticket sales, the NFL's Jacksonville Jaguars announced today the launch of 'Keep That Safety On,' a public service campaign designed to discourage gun violence. Read more...
Snyder's Sobs Bring EMS, Bad Mascot Karma Cited
Aug 25th, 2014
Washington - A District of Columbia EMS unit was rushed over the weekend to Washington team headquarters after owner Dan Snyder's prolonged sobbing alarmed the club's executives, eTrueSports has learned. "Bad mascot karma" cited by friends. Read more...
Cubs Owner Ricketts to Host Employee Appreciation Barbeque
Aug 23rd, 2014
Chicago - Beleaguered Cubs owner Tom Ricketts announced today he would host the first ever Cubs Employees Appreciation Barbeque to honor the team's workers. The hour-long gourmet hot dog and hamburg cookout will be held on the grounds of one of Ricketts personal homes. Read more...
Redskins To Join Wops, Chinks, Spics in New NFC Division
Jul 11th, 2014
New York (eTrueSports) - In a joint statement NFL Commissioner Roger Goodell and Washington Redskins owner Dan Snyder announced today that three new franchises - the New Jersey Wops, Los Angeles Chinks and Arizona Spics would join the Redskins in a newly created NFL division, the NFC Slur. Read more...
American Tea Bagger Party Wants NHL Banned From U.S.
Jul 3rd, 2014
Mississippi (eTrueSports) - With the American Tea Bagger Party reportedly set to call for the dissolution of the "socialist" National Hockey League, eTrueSports has obtained a copy of a secret 10-point anti-NHL "talking points" memo distributed to T-Bag activists and Fox News employees. Read more...
Dick Cheney Calls For Oil Drilling On U.S. Soccer Fields
Jun 30th, 2014
Washington (eTrueSports) - After denouncing the World Cup as a foreign plot to infiltrate Americans' hearts and minds, Dick Cheney calls for oil drilling on all U.S. soccer fields. Read more...
Knicks Cancel Plans For Statue of LeBronerty
Jun 27th, 2014
NEW YORK (eTrueSports) - Sources close to the New York Knickerbockers report the team has cancelled plans to temporarily replace the Statue of Liberty with a large scale art installation titled "LeBronerty." The project was the brain child of Knicks president Phil Jackson, who was convinced that the 'Statue of LeBronerty' would be seen by LeBron as so "far out and cool" he'd decide to play for the Knicks. Read more...
Boston To Bring Up Pawtucket Red Sox
Jun 26th, 2014
Boston (eTrueSports) - Following Wednesday night's ugly 16-9 loss to the lowly Cubs, the Boston Red Sox long-in-place plans to replace the entire team with the club's minor league Pawtucket Red Sox may happen as soon as Friday, eTrueSports has learned. Read more...
LeBron James Signs with Manchester United
Jun 23rd, 2014
Manchester, England (eTrueSports) - Becoming the first trillion dollar athlete, free agent LeBron James announced today he had signed with Manchester United of the English Premier League. Read more...
eTrueSports Darkest Hour: I Did Not Steal Babe Ruth's Uni
Jun 18th, 2014
Five years ago on this day I was arrested and unjustly accused of a crime I did not commit. None of the reprehensible charges stuck and, thanks to a huge out-of-court settlement, I am learning to move past that dark time. Read more...
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