eTrueSports Logo Friday, March 24th, 2017

Article Archive

Lindsey Graham Calls for Boycotting of "Obama Bowl"
Jan 29th, 2015
Washington (eTrueSports) - Lindsey Graham, the South Carolina senator gearing up for a Republican presidential primary run, is calling for Americans to boycott the Super Bowl, scheduled for Sunday evening in prime time. Read more...
Will Deflated Balls Sack 'Belicheat'?
Jan 21st, 2015
Boston (eTrueSports) - In the wake of new cheating accusations, Bill Belichick will reportedly resign as coach of the New England Patriots, eTrueSports has learned. The shocking news took a bizarre turn when it was revealed that Belichick plans to open "Hoodies R Us," a hi-end clothing store. Read more...
Ethical Society Pulls Invite to Fox Sports' Joe Buck
Jan 20th, 2015
New York (eTrueSports) - Following Joe Buck's description of UFC martial arts fighting as "fun" during the NFC Championship game, the American Ethical Society has withdrawn its invitation to the Fox Sports play-by-play announcer to give a keynote address on Morality in Sports at the AES's upcoming national convention. Read more...
Lakers Shocker: Kobe No Longer Will Eat With Team
Dec 15th, 2014
Los Angeles - Lakers' superstar Kobe Bryant will no longer participate in pre and post-game team meals a source close to the team told eTrueSports. The shocking revelation came minutes after the Lakers lost to the lowly Indiana Pacers 110-91. Read more...
UPDATE: Fort Wayne Mad Ants Still Set To Replace Knicks
Dec 11th, 2014
UPDATE: New York (eTrueSports) - Despite a lawsuit by the Mad Ant's "Hot Hoosierettes" dance team which delayed Sunday's planned Ants debut in NY, NBA Commissioner Adam Silver is adamant about replacing the New York Knickerbockers with the Fort Wayne Mad Ants of the Development League, sources have told eTrueSports. Read more...
Roger Goodell Supporter Located in Pocatello
Sep 19th, 2014
Pocatello, Idaho (eTrueSports) – After an exhaustive nationwide search, a Pocatello man has been identified as a Roger Goodell supporter, eTrueSports has learned. Read more...
Brawling For Dollars: UFC Signs Sarah Palin
Sep 13th, 2014
New York (eTrueSports) - Former Alaska governor Sarah Palin has been signed by Ultimate Fighting Championships and will compete in the MMA women’s 145-pound division. “After seeing the Alaska brawl, we were convinced," said UFC President Dana White. "She's a mean, vicious little SOB who will fit in beautifully with our UFC family.” Read more...
Goodell: NFL To Go Two-Hand Touch To Weed Out Psychos
Sep 12th, 2014
New York (eTrueSports) - "We're getting rid of the psychos," said Commissioner Roger Goodell in a stunning announcement that beginning with the 2015 season the NFL would become a "two-hand touch" league. Read more...
Chicks Won't Leave Me Alone: Jerry Jones New Surgery
Sep 10th, 2014
Dallas, TX (eTrueSports)- According to sources close to the Dallas Cowboys, owner Jerry Jones, beleaguered by multiple accusations from strippers and hookers of sexual harassment, will undergo a new round of plastic surgeries to dramatically change his appearance. Read more...
Jacksonville Jaguars Launch 'Keep That Safety On!' Campaign
Aug 27th, 2014
Jacksonville, FL - In the face of mounting criticism over the use of discounted concealed weapons permits to boost lagging ticket sales, the NFL's Jacksonville Jaguars announced today the launch of 'Keep That Safety On,' a public service campaign designed to discourage gun violence. Read more...
  • Following Jerry Jones' comment that it was "absurd" to link football with chronic traumatic encephalopathy (C.T.E.) disease The Flat Earth Society has withdrawn an invitation to Cowboys owner to address their annual convention. "We can't afford to be embarrassed," said a Flat Earth spokesman.
  • Trump Razor Wire mogul's next venture sources tell eTrueSports. "If Donald's elected, best investment ever," says Trump insider.
  • Trump campaign pulls invite to Hall of Famer Goose Gossage to address Miami rally. "We can't afford to be embarrassed," says spokesman.
  • Paul O'Neill calls for hummus ban at Yankee Stadium. "Terrorists eat it," explained YES Network announcer and Trump supporter.
  • Citing opposition to re-branding state name, sources close to Trump say mogul abandons plan to buy Florida prior to Republican primary on Tuesday, March 15th.
  • Trump demands Knicks' rookie Porzingis produce birth certificate. "Kristaps? You call that an American name?"
  • "Who doesn't love the Indy 500?" said Donald Trump after being endorsed yesterday by NASCAR CEO Brian France.
  • Fast food chain Trumpy's Tacos files for bankruptcy. "Hispanics know nuthin about Mex food," says owner Donald Trump.
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