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Author Details

Chris Simmons

Los Angeles, CA

Chris Simmons is an award-winning writer for TV animation and live-action, most recently developing a pilot for BET, GHOST OF MALCOLM X. He’s also a published non-fiction author and served as Script Analyst for Warner Bros. Pictures. Oh, how perfectly safe and mainstream...

But eTrueSports gets the “unleashed” version of Chris Simmons as a feature columnist, covering sports as only One Black Man can, with an incisive, insider’s perspective (or so he tells himself!), honed by misplaced outrage and a totally unrealistic sense of journalistic entitlement. Simply put, he possesses the requisite requirements of columnists all around the country. “I even have a framed picture of T.J. Simers on my desk, so you know how I’m rolling with my s—t!”

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Play Ball with Stop-Motion

Elvis Sings The Bunker Blues

Venus Williams will wear a Lady Gaga original bloody meat dress for her semi-final match against Kim Clijsters. "Say what you will, but it doesn't ride up on you," said Williams.

Commenting on the windy conditions at the U.S. Open, Maria Sharapova, who was eliminated in the 4th round: "New York blows."

U.S. Open officials are reportedly set to relocate the iconic tennis championship to Barcelona. "It'll save on travel," said a USTA spokesman.

An eTrueSports audit has revealed that Tiger Woods' $750 million divorce settlement would pay for the adult male population of Lomita, CA (8,000) to each have a weekly escort service visit ($300/night) for the next six years.

After a rousing speech by Roger Clemens proclaiming his innocence to felony charges for lying to Congress, supporters in Katy, TX reported a flock of flying pigs rose from a nearby tree, circled the crowd and flew off into the sunset.

"However, this is a wakeup call," said Clemens after his perjury indictment. "I'm going to look closely at my lying."

Politico is reporting that former GOP House Majority Leader and fellow Texan Tom DeLay will advise Clemens, pro-bono, on how to employ smirking sanctimony to deny wrongdoing at his upcoming trial.

"We have enough potty-mouthed motherf..kers in the NFL," said NBC analyst Tony Dungy in blasting Jets' coach Rex Ryan for hiring former Jet Blue flight attendant Steven Slater as an Assistant Food Services Coach.

Responding to a tidal flow of fan protests over the "boring and stupid" New Meadowlands Stadium name, New Jersey officials announced the facility will be called "East Rutherford Just Off The Jersey Turnpike Field."

Heard any good rumors?
Email the publisher!

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Frank Coffey

Top Eleven NHL Marketing Suggestions For The PGA

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Thomas Dolt

Kobe Bryant's iPod Playlist

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Downs MacRury

The Boras Files

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Ray Dougela

Golf The Way It Oughta Be

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Burke Terry

Baseball’s All-Time Business Name Team

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Chris Simmons

The Chris Simmons "Inner-View": Jose Canseco

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Bookie Mom

The N.B.A. – A League of Corruption Just a Phone Call Away

	Thursday, September 9th, 2010
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Author Details Chris Simmons Los Angeles, CA Chris Simmons is an award-winning writer for TV animation and live-action, most recently developing a pilot for BET, GHOST OF MALCOLM X. He’s also a published non-fiction author and served as Script Analyst for Warner Bros. Pictures. Oh, how perfectly safe and mainstream... But eTrueSports gets the “unleashed” version of Chris Simmons as a feature columnist, covering sports as only One Black Man can, with an incisive, insider’s perspective (or so he tells himself!), honed by misplaced outrage and a totally unrealistic sense of journalistic entitlement. Simply put, he possesses the requisite requirements of columnists all around the country. “I even have a framed picture of T.J. Simers on my desk, so you know how I’m rolling with my s—t!” << Back Play Ball with Stop-Motion Elvis Sings The Bunker Blues Venus Williams will wear a Lady Gaga original bloody meat dress for her semi-final match against Kim Clijsters. "Say what you will, but it doesn't ride up on you," said Williams. Commenting on the windy conditions at the U.S. Open, Maria Sharapova, who was eliminated in the 4th round: "New York blows." U.S. Open officials are reportedly set to relocate the iconic tennis championship to Barcelona. "It'll save on travel," said a USTA spokesman. An eTrueSports audit has revealed that Tiger Woods' $750 million divorce settlement would pay for the adult male population of Lomita, CA (8,000) to each have a weekly escort service visit ($300/night) for the next six years. After a rousing speech by Roger Clemens proclaiming his innocence to felony charges for lying to Congress, supporters in Katy, TX reported a flock of flying pigs rose from a nearby tree, circled the crowd and flew off into the sunset. "However, this is a wakeup call," said Clemens after his perjury indictment. "I'm going to look closely at my lying." Politico is reporting that former GOP House Majority Leader and fellow Texan Tom DeLay will advise Clemens, pro-bono, on how to employ smirking sanctimony to deny wrongdoing at his upcoming trial. "We have enough potty-mouthed motherf..kers in the NFL," said NBC analyst Tony Dungy in blasting Jets' coach Rex Ryan for hiring former Jet Blue flight attendant Steven Slater as an Assistant Food Services Coach. Responding to a tidal flow of fan protests over the "boring and stupid" New Meadowlands Stadium name, New Jersey officials announced the facility will be called "East Rutherford Just Off The Jersey Turnpike Field." Heard any good rumors? Email the publisher! eTrueSports Columnist Frank Coffey Top Eleven NHL Marketing Suggestions For The PGA eTrueSports Columnist Thomas Dolt Kobe Bryant's iPod Playlist eTrueSports Columnist Downs MacRury The Boras Files eTrueSports Columnist Ray Dougela Golf The Way It Oughta Be eTrueSports Columnist Burke Terry Baseball’s All-Time Business Name Team eTrueSports Columnist Chris Simmons The Chris Simmons "Inner-View": Jose Canseco eTrueSports Columnist Bookie Mom The N.B.A. – A League of Corruption Just a Phone Call Away Most Popular Stories A-Rod Says "Sorry" With Full-Body, Pinstripe Tattoo Mets Owner to Marry - Knicks Owner! Travis Henry Rushes To Spitzer's Side Mariah Carey Turns Down Offer From Kansas City Royals Carmelo: Google's SportsApologies Widget Works Great! Read All the News!		McCourt divorce prompts Torre to quit Wizard of Oz remake Scott Boras retreats to NewportBeachistan Fake ad attempts to embarrass Roger Clemens, Mr. Bush Packer backer? New movie hints at Favre return to Green Bay Cubs new logo may have played part in Piniella's retirement
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