Breaking: Tiger Woods to re-enter sex clinic to improve scoring.
More bad news for Phil Mickelson: In addition to a burgeoning $2.7 million illegal gambling scandal, the PGA is investigating rumors that the golfer may be a registered Democrat. “We’ll get to the bottom of this,” said Tour Commissioner Tim Finchem in a terse statement to the press.
Leapfrogging Roger Clemens and Lance Armstrong, Ted Cruz pulls ahead in Texas state poll for 2015 Delusional Narcissist of the Year award.
The Diablo Rojos of the Mexican Baseball League will sign Donald Trump as the team's official mascot. Move called counter-intuitive by some.
"I hate Commies and I hate borscht," said Carmelo Anthony after learning the Knicks drafted forward Kristaps Porzingis.
NFL reporter Andy Benoit has been named editor of Sports Illustrated's annual swimsuit issue. "Football's boring," said Benoit.
Befuddled Mets' owner Jeff Wilpon reportedly mistook former Mets' catcher Choo Choo Coleman for a Lionel train and tried to buy "him" for his vintage collection. "Choo Choo doesn't blow smoke?" Wilpon mumbled to a Mets' executive before having his internet privileges revoked. Again.
Martial arts organization UFC has pulled their invitation to Sean 'Diddy' Combs to speak at their annual leadership awards ceremony. "We can't afford to be embarrassed," said UFC president Dana White.
“Karma's a bitch, " said an American Buddhist Society spokesman after Tiger Woods shot 80 and 76 for a 16-over-par horrorshow at the U.S. Open.
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