eTrueSports Logo Thursday, April 24th, 2014
 
<< Back

The World Series of Spitting

Jan 22, 2011 03:30 PM  | Thomas Dolt

NEW YORK - We've recently discovered a swell new sport that both men and women can enjoy together, Spitting, whose official season winds up with Spittoono, the World Series of Spitting, held annually now for some 27 years in Clemson, South Carolina.

The sport of Spitting is not complicated. If you squirt a stream of Red Man chewing tobacco further than anybody else you win. Pretty simple. And pretty cool. By the way, Spittoono is put on each year by the Redneck Performing Arts Association (RPAA), and they deserve kudos all around.

Important for all emerging sports, Spitting has its star, Bill Barrioz, the Babe Ruth of Spitting, The Great Expectorator, The Sultan of Sputum. Bill's hegemony over Spittoono was virtually unparalleled, he won every year - though exactly how many years is a matter of some dispute as Spittoono record keeping was, and is. somewhat spotty.  

As the competition is held in Clemson, a college town with a college named, uh, Clemson, many fans and organizers of Spittoono have been lobbying the school to help legitimize their sport with an academic imprimatur (as Florida State has done with a Suntanning degree program). Next year those efforts will be rewarded with what is believed to be the first higher education course devoted exclusively to spitting: Sputum Flinging 101.  A degree program will likely not be far behind. 

<< BackReader Responses
No responses for this article
  • Sources close to the Red Sox say due to a scheduling conflict, former pitcher Bill Lee will not throw out the first ball against the Orioles on Sunday, April 20th. "Somebody spaced out," one longtime Sox observer told eTrueSports.
  • Oklahoma center Kendrick Perkins touched the rim late in the 2nd quarter of the Thunder's OT loss to Memphis on Monday, eTrueSports has learned.
  • Papa John's Pizza pitchman Jim Nantz has taken the lead in the Annual Worst Actor In A Commercial Award, eTrueSports has learned. "Truly embarrassing," a longtime Madison Ave. executive said, who called the currently airing national spot "as cheap and crappy as the pizza."
  • Tigers' star Miguel Cabrera announced he will use a portion of his $248 million contract extension to purchase Detroit. "Good write-off," said Cabrera.
  • "Karma's a bitch and she's got a long memory," a spokesman for the American Buddhist Club told eTrueSports about Tiger Woods' withdrawal from the 2014 Masters.
  • In another example of government-regulation-gone-wild, the FCC has ruled that at least one minute of broadcast time during each hour of Masters broadcasts be reserved for “non-erectile dysfunction” products.
  • A crowd outside WFAN studios supporting Mike Francesa was dispersed without incident by the NYPD late Friday afternoon. "Neither of them had their hearts in it," a patrolman told eTrueSports.
  • Knicks' owner James Dolan will finance and star in "Spawn of the Dead," described as a "horror film with comedic elements," eTrueSports has learned. The Mets Jeff Wilpon and Yankees' Hank Steinbrenner are reportedly considering co-starring roles.
  • A challenge overturned the Mets' GM Sandy Alderson's 'We're-a-90-victory team' assertion in the first pre-game use of MLB's new replay system. "Delusional and sad," said a source close to Commissioner Bud Selig.
  • Heard any good rumors?
    Email the publisher!