eTrueSports Logo Saturday, December 20th, 2014
 
<< Back

The World Series of Spitting

Jan 22, 2011 03:30 PM  | Thomas Dolt

NEW YORK - We've recently discovered a swell new sport that both men and women can enjoy together, Spitting, whose official season winds up with Spittoono, the World Series of Spitting, held annually now for some 27 years in Clemson, South Carolina.

The sport of Spitting is not complicated. If you squirt a stream of Red Man chewing tobacco further than anybody else you win. Pretty simple. And pretty cool. By the way, Spittoono is put on each year by the Redneck Performing Arts Association (RPAA), and they deserve kudos all around.

Important for all emerging sports, Spitting has its star, Bill Barrioz, the Babe Ruth of Spitting, The Great Expectorator, The Sultan of Sputum. Bill's hegemony over Spittoono was virtually unparalleled, he won every year - though exactly how many years is a matter of some dispute as Spittoono record keeping was, and is. somewhat spotty.  

As the competition is held in Clemson, a college town with a college named, uh, Clemson, many fans and organizers of Spittoono have been lobbying the school to help legitimize their sport with an academic imprimatur (as Florida State has done with a Suntanning degree program). Next year those efforts will be rewarded with what is believed to be the first higher education course devoted exclusively to spitting: Sputum Flinging 101.  A degree program will likely not be far behind. 

<< BackReader Responses
No responses for this article
  • Attention Merril Hoge: Despite 30-0 loss to Bengals, QB Johnny Manziel was Cleveland's 2nd leading rusher with 13 yards. In only five carries.
  • Following the surprising news that the Knicks would move to the NBA's D-league, Phil Jackson's fiancée, the Lakers' Jeanie Buss, has refused to go house hunting in Fort Wayne, Indiana, sources have told eTrueSports.
  • In Dog Show news, Sarah Palin has called for the banning of Afghan Hounds from all U.S. competitions. "They're foreign," explained Palin.
  • “Karma never forgets," said a spokesman for the American Buddhist Society commenting on Tiger Woods' tied for last-place finish at the Hero World Challenge.
  • Sources close to Condoleezza Rice deny that the incoming NFL Commissioner is pressuring Dan Snyder to change his team's name to the Washington Mushroom Clouds.
  • The American Birther Party has withdrawn an invitation to former Chicago Bear player and coach Mike Ditka to address their annual convention in Idaho. "We can't afford to be embarrassed," a Birther spokesman told eTrueSports.
  • According to A.C. Neilsen, Fox analyst Harold Reynolds was muted 1,287,354 times during the sixth inning of World Series Game 2, a network television record.
  • SF Giants reliever Hunter Strickland will not be rehired as a mascot for the NBA's Atlanta Hawks, an off-season job the Georgia native has held for three years. "We're afraid he'll scare the younger fans,” a source told eTrueSports.
  • After discovering his NFL health care plan doesn't cover concussions, commissioner Roger Goodell announced he will no longer call Native Americans "Redskins" to their faces.
  • Heard any good rumors?
    Email the publisher!