eTrueSports Logo Tuesday, March 28th, 2017
 
Burke Terry
Burke Terry is the pseudonym of eTrueSports’ Washington correspondent who (and this part is true) is a practicing trial lawyer and 1973 graduate of Harvard Law School. Burke is best known for his seminal works "Affirmative and Defensive Use of Motions for Continuance," and "Lawyer's Guide to Avoiding Sexual Harassment Claims by Opposing Lawyers of Either Sex." He is using a nom de plum to avoid losing his three remaining clients. While these clients don't pay him anyway, he wants to keep them so his two teenagers will continue to believe he really has a profession. Burke will write on a wide range of subjects, whether he knows anything about them or not. He has recently challenged Scott Boras to a lying contest to be conducted in their briefs, and is waiting for a response; the competition will doubtlessly be the basis of a future column.

Feb 4, 2010
Baseball?s All-Time Business Name Team
I apologize for including Yan ? I couldn?t help myself. If life were more perfect his name would be spelled Yuan, an up-and-coming financial name if ever there was one, and he?d be our bullpen closer.

Mar 21, 2008
Easy Reading Sporting News
SUPREME COURT DECLARES FANTASY BASEBALL LEAGUES UNCONSTITUTIONAL AND BORING

Feb 16, 2008
When Does Baseball Happen?
Baseball fans want to be romantics. For six months a year, seven and change if we?re fortunate, we live in a world called the imagination. Unencumbered by the rules ? even the logic ? of the all-too-real world around us, we dream ... until Clemens and McNamee started in.

Nov 21, 2007
Manager For An Inning? Rays Mull Innovative Marketing Moves
Want to play shortstop for an inning? Order that suicide squeeze bunt? Next season you can. Just pick up the phone and call your friendly and oh-so-desperate baseball team in Tampa, Florida. Toll-free!

Nov 17, 2007
Unique Moves Afoot To Boost Tampa Bay Attendance
While the details are being skulled out, the basic concept would involve auctioning the right to participate as either a cameo player or a "virtual manager". EBay will put up for auction the right to make key managerial and pitching calls in real time.

  • SITE REDESIGN IN PROGRESS: NEW STORIES CAN BE FOUND AT etruesports.net
  • Following Jerry Jones' comment that it was "absurd" to link football with chronic traumatic encephalopathy (C.T.E.) disease The Flat Earth Society has withdrawn an invitation to Cowboys owner to address their annual convention. "We can't afford to be embarrassed," said a Flat Earth spokesman.
  • Trump Razor Wire mogul's next venture sources tell eTrueSports. "If Donald's elected, best investment ever," says Trump insider.
  • Trump campaign pulls invite to Hall of Famer Goose Gossage to address Miami rally. "We can't afford to be embarrassed," says spokesman.
  • Paul O'Neill calls for hummus ban at Yankee Stadium. "Terrorists eat it," explained YES Network announcer and Trump supporter.
  • Citing opposition to re-branding state name, sources close to Trump say mogul abandons plan to buy Florida prior to Republican primary on Tuesday, March 15th.
  • Trump demands Knicks' rookie Porzingis produce birth certificate. "Kristaps? You call that an American name?"
  • "Who doesn't love the Indy 500?" said Donald Trump after being endorsed yesterday by NASCAR CEO Brian France.
  • Fast food chain Trumpy's Tacos files for bankruptcy. "Hispanics know nuthin about Mex food," says owner Donald Trump.
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