"Karma sure is a bitch," a spokeswoman for the American Buddhist Society told eTrueSports about Tiger Woods' 13-over par score at the U.S. Open, his worst-ever performance in a major.
In what could be a poignant end to a once promising second career for Sarah Palin, eTrueSports has learned that the Alaska Ass Clowns of the fledgling Caucasian Basketball Association have ended negotiations with the former politician to become the team's new mascot "Butthole". "Our focus group said she'd scare children," explained an Ass Clowns' spokesman.
Los Angeles Lakers' center Dwight Howard has been rushed to Children's Hospital where he was diagnosed with Early-Onset Megalomania. "This is a real wake-up call," Howard told eTrueSports. "I need to concentrate 100% on myself to get better."
Go figure: The Mets Ike Davis (.161) was sent down to the minors despite three doubles and two intentional walks.
Sources close to Kobe Bryant have told eTrueSports the athlete/comedian will star in a remake of the 1997 TV movie "Mother Knows Best." Sources close to Bryant say his lawsuit against his real mother may have been a "PR ploy gone wrong."
Liberty University has added ESPN basketball analyst Chris Broussard as a commencement speaker, eTrueSports has learned. "The world needs more black bigots," said a spokesman for the evangelical Christian school of higher learning.
SOMETHING TO CELEBRATE DEPT: eTrueSports' Video Investigative Unit has confirmed that Grizzlies' forward Zach Randolph touched the rim at 3:42 of the 3rd quarter during his team's 93-86 elimination loss to the Spurs on May 27th.
The case against the crowd outside Pauley Pavilion who demanded the return of fired basketball coach Ben Howland has been dropped by the LAPD. "Both of them are good kids," spokesman told eTrueSports. "They just made a dumb mistake."
The National Transportation Safety Board investigation into ex-UCLA basketball coach Ben Howland's offense as source of drowsiness blamed for a rash of campus pedestrian collisions has been suspended. "The Westwood nightmare is over," said an NTSB spokesman.
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