Desperate to revive his cratering Republican presidential campaign, Donald Trump announced he will fight the UFC's Ronda Rousey. "Luckily she's injured," said the newly moniker-ed 'The Orangutan.'
Trump calls on 2016 National Dog Show to ban "foreign" Afghan Hounds. "This is America," fading Republican candidate says.
"Follow the falafel," says Donald Trump in call for monitoring of all Muslim tailgaters. "A-rab terrorists can't resist the stuff."
Ben Carson's proof of liberal media bias: "When was last time you went into movie theatre and saw a newsreel showing cheering Arab tailgaters?"
NBA considering league-wide ban on all Kardashians. Soul-sucking family tied to brutal start for Houston Rockets; all-star James Harden linked to female gang member.
"I'm only a jerk when I'm losing," said the Clippers' Chris Paul responding to an NBA players' poll finding him the league's No. 1 entitled punk.
Trump calls on NBA Muslims to be monitored. "Giant darkies" could be used by terrorists to id vulnerable roofs in urban locations.
Kings' DeMarques Cousins demands trade to Clippers, wants to take whining to next level. "No one grouses better," Cousins said. "They never stop!"
With his legal problems over, Goodyear renews offer to advertise on Barry Bonds' head. "Blimp them," says slugger.
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