eTrueSports Logo Tuesday, December 1st, 2015
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New York (eTrueSports) - Trump fans, relax. Panic buttons off. The Donald's recent dramatic weight gain, which has thousands of his fans deeply concerned about his health, is all part of the mogul's latest dazzling pr stunt: winning Nathan's Coney Island Hot Dog Eating Contest. So Trump is in training, consuming over 10,000 calories a day, primarily with hot dogs and Goldenberg peanut chews. His only exercise is chewing. Read more...

Read this storyLet's Go ... Trumps?
New York (eTrueSports)- Reality TV personality and Prez candidate Donald Trump is in serious discussions to purchase the financially beleaguered New York Mets, eTrueSports has learned. Source denies team name change to The Trumps. Read more...

Read this storyBreaded Snedeker? Restaurant Offers Bizarre Masters Menu
New York (eTrueSports) - Stuffed Poulter? Chicken Calcavecchia? With the Masters about to begin, a Manhattan restaurant, Tavern on the Green Jacket has just released a new "Masters Menu" in which every dish "celebrates" a prominent golfer. Lawyers, ready engines. Read more...

Read this storyJesus Calls Mets' Daniel Murphy a "Doofus"
New York (eTrueSports) - In an exclusive interview with eTrueSports, Jesus Christ called the Mets' Daniel Murphy a "doofus" for his comments last month on former major leaguer Billy Bean's homosexuality, which included this bizarre beauty: "I do disagree with the fact that Billy is a homosexual." Read more...

Read this storySatire Website Closes For 24 Hrs to Protest April Fool's Day
LOS ANGELES - Breaking Story: a brusque internal memo from sports internet behemoth eTrueSports reveals the distinctly totalitarian workings of the supposedly benign satiric sports website. Troubling. Read more...

Read this storySterling Calls for NBA 'Caucasian Classic" in Testimony
Los Angeles, CA (eTrueSports) - Donald Sterling isn't through with crazy, not by a long three-pointer. During testimony today in a surreal court case involving his non-girl friend and his estranged/non-estranged wife, the former Clippers' owner, attempting to avoid questions about former gal pal V. Stiviano, bizarrely proposed the NBA add a second all-star game, The Caucasian Classic, to the NBA All Star Weekend. Read more...

Read this storyFCC To Ban Close-Ups of Coach K, Roy Williams
Washington (eTrueSports) - Following a torrent of complaints from outraged parents the FCC is reportedly set to ban TV close-ups of basketball coaches Roy Williams and Mike Krzyzewski during game broadcasts. Read more...

Recent User Comments

Yo responds to:
Will Deflated Balls Sack 'Belicheat'?
Looks like he's got his ballsack in a wringer!

Edgar responds to:
Roger Goodell Supporter Located in Pocatello
Memo to Goodell:  inauthentic doesn't work.

Jelly responds to:
Roger Goodell Supporter Located in Pocatello

Charles Goodell, NFL Commissioner Roger's Republican Senator father, took a courageous political stance against the Vietnam War which cost him his political career. Charles would not be proud.

Edgar responds to:
Brawling For Dollars: UFC Signs Sarah Palin
That's funny. And gawd help us all, it's also plausible.

Jelly responds to:
Brawling For Dollars: UFC Signs Sarah Palin
From an observer of the Palin conflagration:  "When the host of the party asked Bristol to leave, she "planted her feet, stood straight up, brought her arm back and cold-cocked him right in the face."   Dana, you listening?
  • Boston hospitals swamped by distressed fans after Patriots loss to Broncos yesterday. “Most of them were suffering from entitlement issues,” said a Mass General ER doctor. “Not pretty.”
  • Desperate to revive his cratering Republican presidential campaign, Donald Trump announced he will fight the UFC's Ronda Rousey. "Luckily she's injured," said the newly moniker-ed 'The Orangutan.'
  • Trump calls on 2016 National Dog Show to ban "foreign" Afghan Hounds. "This is America," fading Republican candidate says.
  • "Follow the falafel," says Donald Trump in call for monitoring of all Muslim tailgaters. "A-rab terrorists can't resist the stuff."
  • Ben Carson's proof of liberal media bias: "When was last time you went into movie theatre and saw a newsreel showing cheering Arab tailgaters?"
  • NBA considering league-wide ban on all Kardashians. Soul-sucking family tied to brutal start for Houston Rockets; all-star James Harden linked to female gang member.
  • "I'm only a jerk when I'm losing," said the Clippers' Chris Paul responding to an NBA players' poll finding him the league's No. 1 entitled punk.
  • Trump calls on NBA Muslims to be monitored. "Giant darkies" could be used by terrorists to id vulnerable roofs in urban locations.
  • Kings' DeMarques Cousins demands trade to Clippers, wants to take whining to next level. "No one grouses better," Cousins said. "They never stop!"
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