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Obama Quits, Signs Ten Day Contract With Chicago Bulls
Washington – "Pretending to like Nancy Pelosi is killing me" said President Barack Obama in announcing he will resign the Presidency to sign a ten-day, non-guaranteed contract with his hometown Chicago Bulls. "Besides, the country's toast, at least the Bulls have a shot." Read more...

Jackson's Napping "Out of Control" Says Odom
Los Angeles - "Phil looked like he was on the wrong medication," said Lamar Odom following Sunday's loss to the Orlando Magic, the team's third consecutive defeat. "When he woke up he muttered, 'Be the ball.' What the hell does that even mean?” Read more...

Did A Woman Play For The Senators?

Brett Favre's Lost 2008 Jets Promotional Music Video

UCLA Offense Investigated for Endangering Public Safety
Los Angeles - After receiving numerous reports of pedestrian and vehicular accidents following a UCLA men's basketball loss to Oregon on February 27th, the National Transportation Safety Board (NTSB) has been investigating coach Ben Howland's torpid offense as a possible source of the widespread drowsiness investigators believe caused the post-game mishaps. Read more...

Palin Calls for Invasion of Canada
Washington, DC - Following the U.S.'s 3-2 "alleged" overtime Olympic hockey loss, Sarah Palin called on Canada to return the Gold Medal or face a military invasion. "The only goals that count are American goals," said the author and social activist, "and therefore the final score of the Gold Medal hockey game is 2-0." Read more...

Top 11 NHL Marketing Tips For Tiger-Less PGA Tour

Please Change Your Bong Water

Mark Cuban to Form National Curling League
Dallas,TX - Capitalizing on the runaway ratings success of Olympic curling, Mark Cuban will form the National Curling League. The gadfly owner of the NBA's Dallas Mavericks said he will be player/owner of the NCL's founding franchise, Cuban's Curlers. "I've always been a stoner." Read more...

Kornheiser Transcripts Reveal Pattern of Gym Class Cutting
New York - A review of Tony Kornheiser’s college transcripts reveal the Pardon The Interruption co-host received an “incomplete” in gym class for eight consecutive semesters and may have wrongly been awarded a B.A. in June of 1970. "Why is anyone surprised?" says Hannah Storm. Read more...

Mid-Winter Baseball Dream

USC v. OSU: One Man's Dilemma Leads To Disaster

Read All the News!

Recent User Comments

Kimbo responds to:
Kornheiser Transcripts Reveal Pattern of Gym Class Cutting
Never trust a journalist with a phony name. Got it, Stormy?

Yo responds to:
Kornheiser Transcripts Reveal Pattern of Gym Class Cutting
And this from a guy with a two-hair comb over?

Well, at least he wasn't boinking some pubescent intern....

Jurgis responds to:
Cleveland Police Call Ilgauskas a “Person of Interest”
No Big Z? Prediction: Jameson is a flop and the Cavs lose in the East finals. Again.

Yo responds to:
Cleveland Police Call Ilgauskas a “Person of Interest”
Great to see a Carolina alum playing up to the standards of this year's team..............

Yo responds to:
Tigers Hook Damon: Hockey Fan’s Love Of Octopi Ices Deal
sounds fishy to me..........

It Happens Every Spring

Bootleg Exclusive: Elvis "In The Bunker" Music Video

Despite losing to the Memphis Grizzlies for the first time in five years, the Celtics were buoyed when early in the first quarter daylight was briefly spotted between center Kevin Garnett's sneakers and Boston's parquet floor.

eTrueSports.com has become the most visited satirical sports site in Moldova as February's uniques in the landlocked nation reached 2, a 100% increase from January. "The metrics are pretty remarkable," said eTS webmaster Downs MacRury, "but we're counting on going viral when another computer is sold in Chişinău, the capital."

"I think we're in," said North Carolina's Roy Williams after the NCAA announced expansion of the 2010 men's college basketball tournament to 288 teams. In related news, UConn didn't make the cut. "I don't know why the NCAA has to be so choosy," coach Jim Calhoun said.

A Morgantown restaurant, Casa Loco, has become the city's 100th restaurant to refuse service to Mountaineers coach Bob Huggins. "He chews with his mouth open," said one manager who denied the ban had "anything to do" with screaming obscenities at waiters.

Former Pittsburgh Steeler quarterback Ben Roethlisberger has been signed by the UFC and will fight under the name The Groper. "Benny's gonna add a lot of class to our organization," said UFC prez Dana White.

Struggling NASCAR has signed Toyota to sponsor a new race later this season, The Nonstop 500, open only to Camrys.

Canada's Olympic hero Sidney Crosby shocked the NHL today when he announced his retirement from hockey. "It can only go downhill from here, eh?" Crosby said.

eTureSports has learned FAA investigators arrested Knicks president Donnie Walsh for attempting to redirect a LeBron James flight bound for JFK to Atlanta on March 1st. "It was worth a shot," said an unrepentent Walsh, who watched the Knicks lose 124-93 to James' Cavaliers from NY's Metropolitan Correctional Center.

Breaking News: Tiger Woods blames 1998 trip to Hooters for sex addiction. “People in halter tops should not be allowed to serve hamburgers,” Woods told eTrueSports in a weekend text message.

Heard any good rumors?
Email the publisher!

eTrueSports Columnist

Frank Coffey

Top Eleven NHL Marketing Suggestions For The PGA

eTrueSports Columnist

Thomas Dolt

Kobe Bryant's iPod Playlist

eTrueSports Columnist

Downs MacRury

The Boras Files

eTrueSports Columnist

Ray Dougela

Golf The Way It Oughta Be

eTrueSports Columnist

Burke Terry

Baseball’s All-Time Business Name Team

eTrueSports Columnist

Chris Simmons

The Chris Simmons "Inner-View": Jose Canseco

eTrueSports Columnist

Bookie Mom

The N.B.A. – A League of Corruption Just a Phone Call Away

	Thursday, March 11th, 2010
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Obama Quits, Signs Ten Day Contract With Chicago Bulls Washington – "Pretending to like Nancy Pelosi is killing me" said President Barack Obama in announcing he will resign the Presidency to sign a ten-day, non-guaranteed contract with his hometown Chicago Bulls. "Besides, the country's toast, at least the Bulls have a shot." Read more... Jackson's Napping "Out of Control" Says Odom Los Angeles - "Phil looked like he was on the wrong medication," said Lamar Odom following Sunday's loss to the Orlando Magic, the team's third consecutive defeat. "When he woke up he muttered, 'Be the ball.' What the hell does that even mean?” Read more... Did A Woman Play For The Senators? Brett Favre's Lost 2008 Jets Promotional Music Video UCLA Offense Investigated for Endangering Public Safety Los Angeles - After receiving numerous reports of pedestrian and vehicular accidents following a UCLA men's basketball loss to Oregon on February 27th, the National Transportation Safety Board (NTSB) has been investigating coach Ben Howland's torpid offense as a possible source of the widespread drowsiness investigators believe caused the post-game mishaps. Read more... Palin Calls for Invasion of Canada Washington, DC - Following the U.S.'s 3-2 "alleged" overtime Olympic hockey loss, Sarah Palin called on Canada to return the Gold Medal or face a military invasion. "The only goals that count are American goals," said the author and social activist, "and therefore the final score of the Gold Medal hockey game is 2-0." Read more... Top 11 NHL Marketing Tips For Tiger-Less PGA Tour Please Change Your Bong Water Mark Cuban to Form National Curling League Dallas,TX - Capitalizing on the runaway ratings success of Olympic curling, Mark Cuban will form the National Curling League. The gadfly owner of the NBA's Dallas Mavericks said he will be player/owner of the NCL's founding franchise, Cuban's Curlers. "I've always been a stoner." Read more... Kornheiser Transcripts Reveal Pattern of Gym Class Cutting New York - A review of Tony Kornheiser’s college transcripts reveal the Pardon The Interruption co-host received an “incomplete” in gym class for eight consecutive semesters and may have wrongly been awarded a B.A. in June of 1970. "Why is anyone surprised?" says Hannah Storm. Read more... Mid-Winter Baseball Dream USC v. OSU: One Man's Dilemma Leads To Disaster Read All the News! Recent User Comments Kimbo responds to: Kornheiser Transcripts Reveal Pattern of Gym Class Cutting Never trust a journalist with a phony name. Got it, Stormy? Yo responds to: Kornheiser Transcripts Reveal Pattern of Gym Class Cutting And this from a guy with a two-hair comb over? Well, at least he wasn't boinking some pubescent intern.... Jurgis responds to: Cleveland Police Call Ilgauskas a “Person of Interest” No Big Z? Prediction: Jameson is a flop and the Cavs lose in the East finals. Again. Yo responds to: Cleveland Police Call Ilgauskas a “Person of Interest” Great to see a Carolina alum playing up to the standards of this year's team.............. Yo responds to: Tigers Hook Damon: Hockey Fan’s Love Of Octopi Ices Deal sounds fishy to me.......... It Happens Every Spring Bootleg Exclusive: Elvis "In The Bunker" Music Video Despite losing to the Memphis Grizzlies for the first time in five years, the Celtics were buoyed when early in the first quarter daylight was briefly spotted between center Kevin Garnett's sneakers and Boston's parquet floor. eTrueSports.com has become the most visited satirical sports site in Moldova as February's uniques in the landlocked nation reached 2, a 100% increase from January. "The metrics are pretty remarkable," said eTS webmaster Downs MacRury, "but we're counting on going viral when another computer is sold in Chişinău, the capital." "I think we're in," said North Carolina's Roy Williams after the NCAA announced expansion of the 2010 men's college basketball tournament to 288 teams. In related news, UConn didn't make the cut. "I don't know why the NCAA has to be so choosy," coach Jim Calhoun said. A Morgantown restaurant, Casa Loco, has become the city's 100th restaurant to refuse service to Mountaineers coach Bob Huggins. "He chews with his mouth open," said one manager who denied the ban had "anything to do" with screaming obscenities at waiters. Former Pittsburgh Steeler quarterback Ben Roethlisberger has been signed by the UFC and will fight under the name The Groper. "Benny's gonna add a lot of class to our organization," said UFC prez Dana White. Struggling NASCAR has signed Toyota to sponsor a new race later this season, The Nonstop 500, open only to Camrys. Canada's Olympic hero Sidney Crosby shocked the NHL today when he announced his retirement from hockey. "It can only go downhill from here, eh?" Crosby said. eTureSports has learned FAA investigators arrested Knicks president Donnie Walsh for attempting to redirect a LeBron James flight bound for JFK to Atlanta on March 1st. "It was worth a shot," said an unrepentent Walsh, who watched the Knicks lose 124-93 to James' Cavaliers from NY's Metropolitan Correctional Center. Breaking News: Tiger Woods blames 1998 trip to Hooters for sex addiction. “People in halter tops should not be allowed to serve hamburgers,” Woods told eTrueSports in a weekend text message. Heard any good rumors? Email the publisher! eTrueSports Columnist Frank Coffey Top Eleven NHL Marketing Suggestions For The PGA eTrueSports Columnist Thomas Dolt Kobe Bryant's iPod Playlist eTrueSports Columnist Downs MacRury The Boras Files eTrueSports Columnist Ray Dougela Golf The Way It Oughta Be eTrueSports Columnist Burke Terry Baseball’s All-Time Business Name Team eTrueSports Columnist Chris Simmons The Chris Simmons "Inner-View": Jose Canseco eTrueSports Columnist Bookie Mom The N.B.A. – A League of Corruption Just a Phone Call Away Most Popular Stories A-Rod Says "Sorry" With Full-Body, Pinstripe Tattoo Mets Owner to Marry - Knicks Owner! Travis Henry Rushes To Spitzer's Side Mariah Carey Turns Down Offer From Kansas City Royals Carmelo: Google's SportsApologies Widget Works Great! Read All the News!		Curling's disgrace: stones often used as pot pipes "Best sports apology app ever" - Tiger Woods Phony ad apparently aims to embarrass Clemens, Bush Phil Jackson bio pic reportedly "very boring" Drink eTrue Brew parody pilsener, dumb down
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